spring, birthdays, mother's day

What a busy, fantastic, amazing, bittersweet weekend filled with many milestones.  

Our Braveheart's 17th birthday was amazing. I spent all day making his favorite cakes..that would be strawberry butter cream cake and rhubarb cake. (fresh cut from the garden and fresh ground berries)

That same evening we held an event to celebrate our boy's birthday  at a Trivia Night for his fellow Boy Scouter who is raising money for his Eagle Scout project. We held it at our church and we had a great turn out! 

 This project will be dedicated to Braveheart as a memorial!!  This project just oozes our boy. It will be a bird observation deck. Many of you know how much he loved birds and bird watching. How can I express the blessing it is to our family to have so many people show up to support this project and remember our boy's special day and then to know he will have a special memorial in our city?

Next, it was Mother's Day. I was loved on by my kiddos left here on earth, but oh do we miss our dear one.  We fancied up his grave site for Spring, personalizing it just for him. That is pleasing to the soul.

It is bittersweet........

Just a taste of the beautiful blooms popping up around me, reminding me of my precious one until I see him again in Heaven.

Read Alouds 2011/ 2012 school year

I have not much too write here.  This was a horrible year of trying to save our son's life, then, 

unfortunately,  prepare for and go forward with a bone marrow transplant.  Our son suffered a great deal of

horrible side effects from the transplant. We spent 2 1/2 months there.  If we read more and recall it, I will add it. 

• pretty sure I read where the red fern grows to our bravest boy
• transplant year...can't even remember right now
• George Muelle

the plan update..oat meal

For those of you that are keeping up on my elimination lifestyle change, I tested oatmeal on Thursday morning and was so excited to wake up and find that I was down .8.  I thought I was up at first, but no, I was down....85% of people find oatmeal to be a trigger food, so this is very good news for me, but not so great when we know it bothers two of my children, so bulk items with oatmeal may not work.  Also, different versions of oatmeal are still tests, although now it is more likely that I will pass it.

 I also got down to my lowest wt. so far. I have been feeling great.

I am looking into the GAPS diet to help heal my son's IBS.  I will post more on that later but it is specific to healing the gut which we know he has huge issues with. What is the connection between acne and ones gut. We know health starts in the gut. Yikes.

I am really loving Pinterest for keeping track of all these great and healthy recipes.

9 months in Heaven~~~~~

Lamentations 3:21-22

King James Version (KJV)

21 This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.
22 It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.


We miss you our beloved and we can't wait to see you again!

6 months...you have been gone

June 2 marks 6 months since we have had our dear sweet Brave boy with us here on earth. This time last year he was feeling pretty good while enjoying a ride in the Med Vac, celebrating his Grandma's wedding a couple weeks before that and his older brother's birthday June 1st. Oh how each memory from last year is seared into my mind. How can it have been 6 months now? How can I not have hugged you good night, prayed with you or spoke some wonderful words with you my love...?
We love and miss you so much dear one....
We thank all of you that continue to pray for us, please don't stop....

my first mother's day without you

This day was more difficult than I had anticipated.  There were many factors that may have contributed to me feeling very melancholy all week.  Your birthday was on the 9th, Mother's Day was Sunday, your public/family celebration was on the same day as Mother's Day and my hormones were a little wacky all week.  So, how much was the mixture of this that made me so downcast, I am not sure. All I know is that I thought MD would be pretty low key because I, after all, still have 3 other children that I am 'still' a mother too here on earth and they love me etc...however, I have really felt the acuteness of my precious boy not being here with us.  I felt like the fog lifted somewhat and I could 'feel' the loss a bit more. 
Oh how my mind tries to keep me in the dark as I loop around in my mind very quickly, all of the things that go with thinking of him and missing him.  It still all feels so unreal.  Where is that boy of ours?  Then I remember, he is in Heaven, happy and not missing us....what a relief but a sadness all at the same time....

Happy 16th Birthday..our first without you...

I posted tons of birthday wishes for you my dear boy all over carepages and facebook...how did I not post this here yesterday, May 9th, on your actual birthday!!!!!!!!?????????????

How can you really be gone?  How can I not see you?  Why didn't you walk downstairs and brighten our day?

We did it, we got through yesterday without loosing our minds.  Grandma Diane came over and she brought you a card. We ate your favorite foods all day.  We watched a movie, thinking of you.  We talked about you.  Oh how our hearts ache to know we will never hug you or kiss you or talk with you again on this fleshly earth.  How it eases our pain to know that we will see you again.  It is our only hope.  Our only way to stay sane.  Heaven seems so far away, seeing you again seems like it will be forever.  I know, I could be there with you at any moment.  I hope though that I can raise your siblings first.  They need me, I know you know that.  They need us.
I think about you and who you were.  You were such a happy, bright boy. You were special.  You just were wise beyond your years in so many wonderful ways.  You 'got' stuff.  I think of you and what you would think of many things that I do.  I know I can do some things again because you would truly want me/ us to.  You would not put up with us neglecting the littles or ourselves.
 Sometimes though, it is hard to breath or swallow for missing you so much. Sometimes I try to not think too 'deeply' about you...oh, you are always on my mind, never gone for a moment but sometimes I stop myself from remembering things too deeply, because it hurts so badly!
This seem so unreal...like we are in a fog and prayers and God's holy power is what keeps our minds somewhat protected from the heart wrenching reality of what has transpired.

It is what it is and I cannot let my brain get too twisted into thinking and figuring it all out or it will explode...we go back to the wonderful belief that your life had a purpose, one that we may not fully understand and that our minds cannot fully grasp the extent of it's purpose at this time.  We have to believe that God's way, His purpose and plans are beyond what our earthly minds can fathom.

 

Here is your 15th Birthday picture.  It is our last one of you on earth.  You were doing so well here, it breaks our hearts to think where you were last year, doing so well and now so much has changed.

We love you so much.  We miss you with all our hearts!  Have the best party ever in Heaven and I know you will be the best greeter of all the new kids in Heaven.

happy 4 months in Heaven sweetie

Happy 4 months in Heaven Braveheart!! We know you are precious in God's site to be there, in that perfect Place, so soon in your young life. We know that there are reasons behind of all this...things that we cannot even fathom with our earthly minds as to how this path has unfolded in our lives. Even though this would not have been our choice for you, we know that God gave us a great love for you, one that will never die. We find comfort in knowing there is some 'why' that we may never know but it is there and it is Heavenly and good.
The earth is still having trouble warming up around here without you running about with your bright smile, basking in your chair in the yard, but we keep encouraging it to go ahead and warm up...it's ok...B would have wanted us all to be warm..we tell it...I think it will get it's legs soon my dear boy...you don't have to worry about these things anymore where you are. You are basking in perfection!
We remember that Spring is your favorite season. We think of you as the daffodils bloom and the crocuses sprout through the ground and the tulips begin to show off...everything reminds us of you...I will still put in a garden because I know you would want it...I will plant beets just for you forever and imagine you weeding them with me....
Everywhere we look and everything we do, reminds us of you and your life here...the weekends reminding us of our fun family times...the boys talking about their latest adventures....oh..it was like you were right there in the kitchen with us and we could see how much you would be laughing that special laugh and rubbing your hands together like you do...so excited to interact with the topic...oh it is so fresh in my mind...it was hard to scoop out only 5 bowls of ice cream where there once were 6....you are missed my love..
Now your birthday is coming up soon...you will have been 16....we are trying to learn how to live without you...we are taking good care of your siblings as you would have wanted...but oh how we miss you...

Here is Braveheart exactly one year ago. He was feeling so much better, getting nice and fat cheeked from his medicine he had to take for is GVHD and he was able to come with the kid's school on a field trip to the River Museum. He tired easily, but he did very well. Oh...I remember it like yesterday.

9 months

Sat was 9 months since his transplant. We are filled with joy.  So many of the effects of the meds are showing up, so many struggles but we focus on our thankful hearts and all God has done for us and him.  So many answered prayers. Thank you Jesus.

planting started

I started planting in the garden.  It was great! My man put up a little fence to keep the bunnies away from my new little greens.  I moved my blueberry bush to a new, better spot.

Weight day tomorrow.  I am excited!  Will let you know how it's going.  Today I ate:

Budwig cottage cheese for breakfast, 4+ cups of fresh veggie juice, hamburger, steamed cabbage, a few sweet potato fries.

Dessert: One little piece of dark chocolate with a spread of natural peanut butter.

Someone's birthday is tomorrow!!

#15

happy late birthday to me

Well, my birthday was Friday.  I am 42!!  I feel so old with my failing physical stature from hospital stays and weight gain.  I am working on that and having a start to success here.  Why do we so often have to be so old to really get the true will power to want to change?  I think experiencing the truth of aging goes a long way. Aches, pains etc..

Nice birthday.  Ate a little off but not horrible.  I am juice fasting for the day today.  Braveheart had some juice this morning with a warm bowl of oatmeal and a cornucopia of legal drugs! Haaa.  He went back to bed.  I can't wait until he can be off of the meds that make his face still be puffy.  His weight is too high so dealing with that.  Clinic tomorrow bright and early.

MILESTONE:

BRYCE WILL BE 6 MONTHS POST TRANSPLANT ON FRIDAY!!!

LOVING:

WWW.LOSEIT.COM TO HELP HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE WITH WHAT I EAT.

SAD NOTE:

MY GRANNY IS VERY SAD WITH SO MANY THINGS HAPPENING IN ADDITION TO HER YOUNGEST DAUGHTER HAVING DIED AND TOMORROW WILL HAVE BEEN HER BIRTHDAY!  PLEASE SEND PRAYERS AND COMFORT.

Love you all...Me

5 months..I know..crazy right?

It has now been 5 months since Braveheart's transplant.  This is a great milestone! I haven't been here this last week due to extreme busyness.  I still have to take him to clinic at least once a week.  The other children have many papers due, places to go.  He has been feeling better.  I am filled with joy during these times.  I feel like a little 'normal' is about.  I push away the other thoughts that try to slip in. I try to enjoy the 'believing' thought that we did this...he is healed...no more bad cancer forever!! God is giving me tremendous peace.  I enjoy the feeling I sometimes get of complete relief.  I feel like I will never be 'afraid' again. 

****When God is for us, what can cancer do?

We are thankful for the many blessings and answered prayers.  I am glad that faith is about holding tight to it when the storm comes.  What is faith if you believe that it is only real if your life is perfect?  Life is hard.  Bad things happen.  With that being said, I believe God's word though and he is a GOD OF IMPOSSIBILITIES and he made me to want my son to live...Praise God!  That is how he makes a mama! SO I will pray in His will that he may live, thrive, heal and show them just how amazing He is!

Read Alouds 2010/ 2011 school year

Wow, could this have been it?  I shudder to think, but it has been a weird year for us or so.  I hope I have forgotten something.

• the golden goblet
• where the red fern grows
• grandma's attic
• the first four years
• the long patrol

happy new year 2011

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

19 years!!!

I know I have already shown this photo. You're right, I need to get a new one you know...but here we are from last year but still just as cute, married for 19 years..it really does get better if you keep hanging on for the whole ride...thank you Lord for blessing me with this long marriage to a faithful, hard working, steady man!

end of treatment party!!

Our friend Ralph set up this special antique firetruck ride from firefighters to take B and some friends to his END OF TREATMENT PARTY!!

Special friends visit...

Mom the pilot, loooooves riding in the truck.

Scouts racing...

This is our friend from Dance Marathon that came all the way here to hang with B.

This is my granny....

What a absolute blast we had at this party!! I wish we could do this every single year!!

#18!!

I can't believe I really forgot to put this up on June 1st but things were a bit crazy..so here it is, better late than never!

karate promotion

This is old news from a few weeks ago. I haven't posted all the promotions, but I wanted to get Damsel on here since she just passed her first one. Although we might like to do 5 other activities and although this doesn't mean that we will only do this 'forever', I love this karate thing. We have a great teacher that focuses on 'self discipline' and 'self control' and the more kids from your family, the cheaper it is (price is a big factor here right now) and we can be together more rather than 5o different directions. LOVE IT!!! Secret Agent earned his yellow belt and Damsel earned her red belt. So cute.

our own graduate open house

This photo above is nothin' special but I just love the way it captured the smoke and their intent business of making hot dogs this day...
That's JoLayne, she was a blessed helper to me, devoting her day for my service, thanks friend.

Here is a sampling of this weekend's open house here for our graduate. I have to get some other cool pics on here later that my friend Karl took. It was a beautiful day and such a blast and I was exhausted afterward. Thanks to all that helped out. Then he turned 18 a couple days later and I have to make cake for that too!! I laugh because I feel like I am in a perpetual 'party' mode right now...:)

happy 13th birthday my brave boy

We are so thankful.........