Magnanimously homeschooling, worshiping, creating.......

Join us on a journey of faith, healing, learning to live with part of our hearts missing, and recovery, as our family rebuilds our lives, after our son's long battle with cancer....and his eventual rise on eagle's wings into Heaven...victory is his...he is serving the King!!!

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

keeping accountable

I decided to try to write more here about how my eating is going for many reasons.

1. Even though I don't claim to be any kind of excellent writer, I really love to write and it gives a chance to do that.
2. I know some of you actually care what I am up to personally even if we can't get together right now as much as we would like.
3. I need some accountability.

So, today is my weigh day.  One more pound down with 3 total.  I really do feel like the bits o' cellulite I have accumulated are improved but I am watching to make sure it is not my imagination.  I haven't done a 100% juice fast but am drinking 8-16 ounces daily.

Yesterdays was quite good:

1/2 cuke
one chunk mustard leaf
handful of beet leaf
4 org. carrots
one whole swiss chard 
1 org green apple
small handful cranberries
handful fresh parsley
2 celery

I think that was everything, plus I had a raw salad for lunch and went for some walking/lifting in the evening.
In addition I had fun making a yummy potato and leek casserole that was scrump for dinner and ate small portion. Although I used the potatoes we had, I am determining to try to get all my potatoes at the farmer's market this year as they are the worst pesticide offenders in the veggie world.

For the record, I also spent most of my day on the phone with doctors regarding Braveheart who isn't feeling well and has an infection. felt good to sit down at the end of the day!

Monday, January 30, 2012

on making raw salad

I am trying to juice again now. I am completely out of shape and feeling double my age.  My knee injury acts up off and on and limits my mobility, my feet (plantar fasciitis), is always on the edge of well, but is acutely affecting my life again, my body aches in the morning, I gained more wt. I am tired all the time.....years ago I was actually diagnosed with fibromyalgia, but have not really believed it for sure. However, symptoms are I am reading an inspiring book and I am trying to eat more raw food in my diet.  Little steps I say.  That doesn't mean I won't be eating normal food still but I am  gearing up for a juice fast soon!
Anyway, here is a salad I made that I quite loved.

"Tonya's made up but surely not the first to think of it, raw salad"

Napa cabbage thinly sliced
sweet onions thinly sliced
broccoli 1-2 little trees very finely chopped
red sweet bell peppers
raw sunflower seeds
chia seeds sprinkled
organic raisins
smidgen of real, parm cheese

put all these in a bowl big enough to be able to toss nicely in the amounts you desire

add your home made dressing:

1/2 olive oil and/or grape seed oil
one fresh pressed garlic clove
red wine vinegar
several drops of Stevia liquid
shake well
put on salad

toss well

adjust all ingredients according to your tastes..don't be was soooo good!!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

the simple things

I haven't thought that much about getting out of the to speak..but I had to share a strange joy I felt last night after Bryce finished his bath.  He has had a pretty good week, considering.  Along with daily battles on this road, just to see him leave the bathroom with his jammies on, his hair looking long and sweet and curlie, his cheeks squeaky clean and chuncky from the steroids..but he had the biggest smile...he looked so clean, bright and handsome...I am rejoicing in this precious moment in the hall, talking, laughing with him and touching his sweet, soft hair.  Soooo very thankful....

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Read Alouds 2010/ 2011 school year

Wow, could this have been it?  I shudder to think, but it has been a weird year for us or so.  I hope I have forgotten something.

  • the golden goblet
  • where the red fern grows
  • grandma's attic
  • the first four years
  • the long patrol

Friday, January 20, 2012

chia seeds....good

I am always finding ways to add nutrient dense foods and nutrition to our families diet. Recently I have become quite fond of Chia seeds and all they have to offer. They are so easy to store and add to foods we already eat and everybody likes them.  Well, I found this article and wanted to share it with you about Chia seeds.


Thursday, January 12, 2012

pumpkin muffins...mmm...

I just finished enjoying some warm, fresh, right out of the oven Pumpkin Muffins...mmmm...!  I am on a mission to keep getting organized as much as I can with the high task of getting Braveheart back into a learning routine, in addition to assisting his recovery, making him healthy, plus I want to use up some of my 'stash' that has accumulated in my deep freezer and pantry.  By the way, I just dropped off some blood for his labs this very morning.

One thing that we still hadn't used up were those zip lock bags of  home grown pumpkin that I  had cooked and frozen about two years ago.  I have been planning on making muffins.  Today was the day. I used some of the fresh ground white wheat I had ground and stuck in the freezer last year.  OH MY GOODNESS!  So good, soft, moist, delicious!!!  If you haven't started grinding your own grains, then you may want to consider it soon because it is soooo good.  Well, the boy is done with his math, I must return to my 'real' duties.  Love it though and now I have some healthy snacks for the kids when they get home! Yum! Maybe I can get back to my poor office room that is calling my name...but now I have gotten a brief bit of writing out which I thoroughly enjoy..have a great week!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

books of 2011

Here is my list of books for 2011.  It may be missing a few. It is short and mostly nonfiction this year. What a year we've had as most of you are aware, so I will not claim any absolute for the accuracy of this list. Haaa.

My books of 2011

  • the path of daggers
  • heaven can wait
  • the core
  • crown of swords
  • bone marrow and blood stem cell
  • God still heals
  • Ph miracle
  • cancer free: your guide to gentle non-toxic healing
  • cancer: step outside the box
  • never be sick again
  • outsmart your cancer

Friday, January 6, 2012

do people know?

From a post of carepage friend who lost her son...just had to share it..

Do people know?

Posted 14 minutes ago
We have entered a month of sadness. Too many losses. I was thinking about all of the people who follow the kids thru CP or CB or FB . I was thinking of how some of you become family and keep in touch and how some others seem to just go from one kid to the next as if they were following a drama TV show . They read our words, until our child goes in remission or dies. Then they move on . Are they actually understanding what is happening? That our flesh and blood is tortured daily either by the disease or the treatment? Do they truly understand the depth of it? Do they actually learn something or get something out of it ? Do they realize the trauma we go thru as parents when the words “ Your child has cancer”?
When I heard those words and they were directed to us and our child , I lost touch with reality. It just couldn’t be. Not Julian , not my son. I felt that someone had their hands around my neck and were holding it tighter and tighter until I couldn’t breathe . I felt like throwing up . Then listening to the oncologist explaining the treatments he had to have was more than my brain and my heart could handle. Radiations for 30 days total brain and spine. Chemotherapy for over a year. The more she went into details the fastest I was losing it. She asked several times if we wanted to wait till the next day to finish discussing the details. But I knew shed better just doing it all right then. When she was done , I couldn’t stop the tears. I couldn’t go back to Julian’s room and face him knowing what we were about to put him thru. I couldn’t face anyone else either. So I ran away to the hospital chapel and just couldn’t stop the tears no matter how hard I tried. Then I went to a different floor in the hospital , sat on the ground on one of the balconies looking down on the atrium and listened to a young girl playing the piano. So many thing racing thru my mind, trying my best not to throw up. My lil man , my buddy …God he was not even four yet. We were going to put him thru hell . The only thought that validated doing this to him was that it was necessary to save him . Hope. Hope is all you have when you face those hard decisions.
Do people understand that when they read our stories? Do they understand the impact on our whole being when we hear “your child has cancer”
How about when we hear one of the siblings ask “is he going to die?” NO child , absolutely NO child should have to worry about the potential death of their baby brother!!!
Then you wake up your kid very early for 30 days , take them to the hospital every single morning but weekends , to have their brain and spine zapped at unimaginably strong doses of radiations and if they are too little to stay awake , they get put under anesthesia every single day. And all you hope for is that they will have enough healthy brain cells left to learn to tie their shoes someday , because we are given no guarantee …
Do people realize what it takes to get up one more day and another and actually voluntarily bring your child in to have his brain radiated??? Do they?? Do they understand how we might feel??
Then there is the poison that you watch dripping slowly into your baby’s veins. You know it is going to make him sick as a dog . You know it is going to make him bald . You know it is going to make his skin burn and peel . You know he is going to have mouth sore so bad his mouth is going to bleed and he wont be able to eat for day. You know his joints are going to ache . You know all that but hope that one day he will be cancer free makes it all bearable to watch . Except some days it is too much . We lose it , we scream in our pillow so he doesn’t hear. We have to step out and lose it. Except some days panic sets in . You just cant see that it will ever get better. You feel guilty for doing this to your child. You hurt watching him so weak and broken. You get angry, why did it have to be him . You envy your friends and their healthy children.
Do people realize how overloaded with emotions we are? Do they understand how screwed up our minds become? How bad it all hurts?
Yes , we still smile, the kids still smile . But **** it hurts.
Do you remember when I explained how it felt when a child is first diagnosed, when we first hear the words “your child has cancer”?
Well , that was nothing compared to hearing the words “ You child has relapsed” or “the tumor is back and growing fast” or” We have very few options left” and eventually “ There is nothing more we can do” , oh and try “ We have arranged for hospice staff to meet with you” .
The initial punch in the stomach from original diagnosis has now turned into a hand actually reaching inside your chest and ripping part of your heart out. THERE IS NOTHING MORE WE CAN DO … A nice way to say “ YOU CHILD IS DYING “
Can anyone who hasn’t heard those words actually comprehend any of the feelings and emotions ?? Do they try or would they rather not even go there?
From the time those words are softly spoken to you (like it makes it any easier to hear) until the end, it spirals down . You know you cant stop it and it is the most sickening feeling ever , deep in your gut. It is like having fine sand in your hand and you try to keep it there but no matter what you do the sand slips through and is eventually all gone. You just couldn’t stop it . I couldn’t stop Julian from slipping away . Again , so very sickening. I watched him getting worse and worse each day , with death as the only possible outcome. MY child who was seemingly healthy 9 months prior was going to die. HE WAS GOING TO DIE . I repeated those words in my head so many times over and over as to try to make sense of it all . But it never did make sense. None of it makes sense.
Then he died. It was the most heartbreaking experience ever… NOTHING compares to watching your child fight for his last breath ( exactly like a fish out of water) , nor to feeling his little heart stop beating in his chest right under your fingers. NOTHING.
Again can anyone comprehend the trauma ?
I don’t think so . It is too huge . It is too scary .
I wouldn’t ask of anyone to truly go there but please , please , when you follow our kids stories , be respectful , keep in mind that they are real , and so are our feelings and emotions. To us , they aren’t just another sick kid , they are our babies and for those of us whose children died , the trauma is so great we will never get over it. Our children are our life and we couldn’t spare them from death. We long and ache for them with all our heart , the thought of never being able to hug Julian , kiss his sweet lips , smell his skin , kills me.
So if you just like to read our stories for the drama of it, maybe you should stop and think that maybe, just maybe instead , you should be hugging your healthy child, closing your eyes, smelling his skin and taking him fishing while you still have a chance. No one knows what tomorrow will bring…
Well, we do know that tomorrow in the US ,another 46 sets of parents will hear the words “ your child has cancer “ and that 7 sets of parents will say goodbye to their child and will be forever broken . And the sucky part is, IT COULD BE YOUR CHILD … It was mine…


2015 Project (4) abundant blessings and thankfulness (31) adventures with two kitties (2) artzy (3) autoimmune disease (1) backyard (1) baking (2) binding quilt (1) birds (10) birthday blitz (22) blendtec (2) boyz tuff (10) braveheart (44) Braveheart in Heaven (35) braveheart memory (9) cancer (55) carz r kool (5) cats love to quilt too (4) Christmas blessings (10) churndash block (1) classical conversations (3) co-op (2) college (9) cooking (9) craftzy (13) Crochet Creations (1) crochetz (25) crock pot (4) daddy (6) damsel girl (62) Daughter's quilt (2) dollhouse (4) dylan (21) family (43) father/son (6) favorite products (3) field trip (7) flashback friday (3) flowers (1) flying (6) free motion quilting (7) friendship (15) fundraiser (4) GAPS (1) garden (26) getting ready for transplant (8) gluten free (4) goals (2) grandma's the best (4) grieving (2) Hashimoto's Thyroididtis (1) healer (2) history (1) holiday (7) homemade (21) hypothyroidism (1) immune healing diet (11) juicing and raw foods (4) just musing (12) just sayin' (2) karate (2) keepers of the faith (5) kindle (3) learning adventures (36) life's a journey (1) machine quilting blog hop (3) MAGNANIMOUS (5) Magnanimous Photography (5) making it up as i go (1) marvelous milestones (31) milestones (1) mother/daughter (8) movie mania (3) music (14) nature (55) new beginnings (5) ninja boy (1) nutrition (15) organizing (5) photography (29) poetry (3) practice makes progress (2) project 2017 (1) quilt project 2017 (5) quilting (7) reading adventures (38) recipe (12) recipe created by me (2) relapse (6) review (11) scouts (7) seasons (18) sewing (10) soft lovlies (1) spiritual (17) still life photography (1) T agent (25) teens (6) the kidletz (7) The Plan (27) thrifty (5) traditions (1) transplant journey (10) update (30) weight loss (21) wordless weds (22)


Noah Webster's 1828 Dictionary of the American Language defines Magnanimity as such:
MAGNANIM'ITY, n. [L. magnanimitas; magnus, great, and animus, mind.] Greatness of mind; that elevation or dignity of soul, which encounters danger and trouble with tranquillity and firmness, which raises the possessor above revenge, and makes him delight in acts of benevolence, which makes him disdain injustice and meanness, and prompts him to sacrifice personal ease, interest and safety for the accomplishment of useful and noble objects.