Magnanimously homeschooling, worshiping, creating.......

Join us on a journey of faith, healing, learning to live with part of our hearts missing, and recovery, as our family rebuilds our lives, after our son's long battle with cancer....and his eventual rise on eagle's wings into Heaven...victory is his...he is serving the King!!!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

i'm giving in....

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Something Heavenly

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

feeling better today

Wow, what a crazy week last week going to the hospital at least 3 times and trying to get little ones off to school and organized and then still keep Braveheart and his school going. We are trying to chug along like normal between all this. I feel like it is very important. He is feeling better with cystitis issues edging toward normal. Giving him shots, hooking up fluids at night, unhooking at night, moral support at night, drawing blood, talking with docs on phone, pushing fluids, feeding foods to strengthen him...this is our normal right now..

Sunday, August 21, 2011

death is real....

A boy died today. A boy I have seen up at the hospital, walking around, bald. He seemed pleasant enough. I didn't really get a chance to know him. My time there is fleeting unlike the many that are there for months and develop a deep bond. We have developed some too, but it is just interesting how many people just end up never really knowing each other there. I wish I could have known him. He was 13 years old friends!! Braveheart is 14. This boy looked full of life when I saw him in the hall talking with the nurses. He lost his battle with cancer. I don't know his whole story but I know he had a transplant. Why do I have to see so many sad cases lately??? Can I maintain hope in healing with all that surrounds me? Can I point the way to a Christ that loves us and is strong and supernatural?? I want to wake up now....I want to.....

Saturday, August 20, 2011

"be still and kow that I am God"

I am really starting to hate my blog. I ran out of pics on Picasso and can't seem to delete any and I don't really know what I am doing and my counter is gone. It's crazy! My life is crazy! Everything is so surreal right now.
We got B's scans back and all looked good. Then the initial bone marrow and it looks good too!! I should be so happy and believe me I am so happy. I am praising God. But I do feel strange. Sometimes it feels like a dream. We have to fight this BK virus that has given him hemorrhagic cystitis. There is a weird sense of just resting..."be still and know that I am God". It is a good place to be because if we are to get out of this transplant, which is not my favorite thing to do but my only option we have left other than God just healing him done right now this minute which we still believe for every day, then God will simply have to direct every detail to do that. My mind cannot even conjure up any more ways that LITTLE 'OL ME can do it.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

2nd round at hospital

We are here on our second round of this mix of therapy. We will have these three chemo drugs for 5 days then go home. We had a good visit from the onc doc today. It seems like B is doing very well with this chemo. I hate giving him chemo, but there is no choice. This 'batch' has been better on him than any he has had before. We are on this. GOD has this one.
The doc on call just happened to be the one in charge of the transplants, so that was nice and I was able to ask some questions regarding the transplant. Actually, it didn't just happen, I prayed about it. I love it when that happens. We will have a big meeting prior to BMT also, so we will know all about it. They were going to go straight to transplant but this doc was talking about a possibility of maybe doing one more round if he keeps doing this well to get him in a deeper remission. Deeper remission means there will be more cancer cells destroyed, the ones you can't see, so hopefully more chance of the BMT succeeding. I know there will be some amazing results as B goes through this.
I know some mom's up here. So many sad stories. So many good stories. So many relapses. So many new diagnoses! 1 child in 320 will be diagnoses with cancer EACH DAY! No one is immune. Children are not the same as adults. They don't get cancer because they ate too much junk their whole life etc...yes all that helps keep it away and helps everyone's life in general, but I truly believe that there is something big that happens that causes cancer in them, like a mix of the right conditions such as virus, molds, parasites, food intake and pesticides all in different scenarios depending on the kid, the location, the cancer etc...
I can't and don't try to figure it out, it is too big for my brain, especially now. Ugh. But God is good and supplies all our needs and is always giving peace and comfort.
Believing for healing,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


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Noah Webster's 1828 Dictionary of the American Language defines Magnanimity as such:
MAGNANIM'ITY, n. [L. magnanimitas; magnus, great, and animus, mind.] Greatness of mind; that elevation or dignity of soul, which encounters danger and trouble with tranquillity and firmness, which raises the possessor above revenge, and makes him delight in acts of benevolence, which makes him disdain injustice and meanness, and prompts him to sacrifice personal ease, interest and safety for the accomplishment of useful and noble objects.