thoughtful thursday: spring

What Spring does to my heart.....

Everything reminds me of my brave boy, every day. Spring, however, is a special reminder for many reasons. 
1. Spring was B's favorite season. I clearly remember him stating this often.
2. The flowers are blooming. Life is returning to the earth, replacing the dark, dreary, cold, brown earth of the winter. Thus, each flower, as it begins to flourish, reminds me of God's creation, our hope, and B's love of the outdoors...his appreciation of it's beauty.
3. B was a May baby. His is the first birthday of the year, out of all of our children. As a result, the blooming tulips and lilacs are to me as a welcoming committee and an announcement of his birthday each year. It's as if God is making things beautiful, just for us!

Think of that. God makes things beautiful...that is one of our favorite songs, which became the music to our video that we made of B and his journey, shortly after he left us for Heaven. As I wrote that above, it really hit me...we have found a beautiful thing in this. In fact, we have found many beautiful things. 

What beautiful to do you see in your loss? 

Look for it..it is there.... 

butter cream birthday girl!! #13

How did my baby get to be 13 years old?? My sweet, little Damsel girl. I love her so much.

Here is the picture I got of the cake, as I couldn't get it prior to digging in.

This batch was made with butter milk, which we quite liked, and a tradaitional, beautiful light blue tint to the frosting, that my girl requests frequently.

I am calling it Robin Egg Blue Frosting Delight

more than amazing

i don't always have it together

Sometimes I suppose it looks like I have it all together.  I am strong in the Lord.  I am human.  I have days like recently where I am reflective...thoughtful..not depressed, just thinking...asking 'why?'....why did my brave boy have to have cancer?  Why does my dear brave boy have to have kidney damage?  Why so many complications? Will he ever find love?  Have children?  How will You use him Lord because I know you have called him...I know that in my gut.  I know all the usual responses, the verses....I cling to those but sometimes I just have to have a moment I guess. 
Maybe I just don't feel well.  Maybe a long stressful illness can be similar to a death, in that there are stages of grief.  Maybe I am just tired.
I know I will feel better again, refreshed in the Lord.  I am older now and just a itsy bitsey bit wiser.  I know that everyone has there mountain to climb.  I know that if your life is going perfectly, hang on, be ready....it will come, that mountain. 
I am ok.
I am thankful.
So...very....thankful.....

children growing in grace

First I want to say that good bye to dear Brittany who left our world yesterday.  I was able to say good bye to her family as the Lord always put them in my path in what had to be a supernatural way even for being at the same hospital.  I pray for those dear sweet parents for their loss. I think she had siblings too.

Now I must mention that Secret Agent Boy, child and boy number 3#, loves snowboarding.  He finally got to use his free pass and you guessed it, he was going down a hill with friends and fell, landing right on his right wrist.  He has a Colles' Fracture and he got both the radial and the ulnar bone.  He has a temporary splint cast on and we will see the Ortho Surgeon next week.  From there we will see what they want to do.

 He is so brave. Let me tell you, this is the kid who is afraid of shots, needles, medical anything...seriously.  He panics.  I am so thankful for the strong faith I saw come out of my precious boy.  He trusted the Lord, he grew in strength, he said things that were so gracious.  He even cared more about praying for his brother to be healed.  One comment he made, after thinking for a bit, it suddenly hit him.."awe mom, you have enough to worry about, now you will have to worry about me now too."  Now, how precious is that?  I told him I am happy to worry over him because I love him.  I am feeling privileged to be able to show him devoted care that he saw B get all these years.

Green Aid:

Although I have been juicing off and on for the last year, I was really off during transplant, so here I am trying to juice and gearing up for a fast for a day or maybe a weekend, we'll see.  Anyway, Green Aid is very tasty. From Cherie's book.  I changed a few things but having fun following some simple recipes rather than just throwing it all in as I often do.

2  organic apples
1 lemon, no skin
large handful celery
small clip of last of cilantro
1/4 cranberries
small chunk ginger
1 garlic

Gave some to the Agent to drink to help heal his arm in general.  I will be looking into things to help him to add to his diet.  I know that Comfrey is a good one.

This tasted very good above, need less lemon, so had to add water and stevia, then it was soooo good!

Happy juicing and healing!

the simple things

I haven't thought that much about getting out of the shower..so to speak..but I had to share a strange joy I felt last night after Bryce finished his bath.  He has had a pretty good week, considering.  Along with daily battles on this road, just to see him leave the bathroom with his jammies on, his hair looking long and sweet and curlie, his cheeks squeaky clean and chuncky from the steroids..but he had the biggest smile...he looked so clean, bright and handsome...I am rejoicing in this precious moment in the hall, talking, laughing with him and touching his sweet, soft hair.  Soooo very thankful....

DAY 100!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, this is DAY 100 post transplant!  This is, by no means, the end of his journey nor is BRAVEHEART completely out of the woods yet, but this is a huge milestone in progress.  
Thank you Jesus!!!

last day radiation today!!

We are so thankful for so many answers to prayer.!  Today marks the end of radiation for our son. We are so thankful for this gift of individualized care they have given our Braveheart.  Now I must get some Christmas preparations finished!
Keep praying.

happy thanksgiving for 2011

I am here, at our home, that Bryce can't come to yet due to floor repairs.  My nose had been getting drippier, my sneezing, sneezier.  Finally, I have no choice but to stay away from him, upstairs at the home we are longing to be, where the smell is better and I am laid out on my...yes... MY very own bed.  In between many wakeful 'symptom' moments, I slept like a rock, knowing that our Braveheart was with daddy and in good hands and doing well.  It was blissful except for the lack of my warm man next to me and the snot.  :)
The vision of actually moving back home is quickly becoming a reality.  The floor is done.  The air is think with the smell of floor polyurethane.  The windows are open and now it is starting to get cold as the sun melts away in the sky. There is dust everywhere.  This must be cleaned and settled before B can move in and be free to take off his mask and avoid a common construction bug that could be quite harmful for him.
This rest I must admit has done me some real good.  Just lying around, vegging, drinking water, sleeping...blowing my nose with a little more freedom here..oh yes. The simple things.  Love your NON-immune compromised home if you have one.  It is a blessing to be appreciated. Don't get me wrong, we are happy to take all our extra steps, but if you want one more thing to be thankful for, then there you are.
Missing my family right now in sequestered time out.
So much to be thankful for. B is getting better every day.  Thank you Lord for my precious family, friends and You.  Blessings for all our fellow families battling these awful childhood diseases.

scout bonfire complete

I have never seen Braveheart do so many things while on more than a maintenance chemo before. I am astounded! He loves making lots of plans to go places and food is always on the agenda with his food cravings from the medicine. Last night the scouts were over for a bonfire. We had beautiful weather all week up until this day. Then the rain was supposed to come and the Lord held it off the whole night. B had to wear a mask due to his counts being so low. If he were to get a fungus from the wood it could be deadly for him. We had such a great night. Blessings.

in the night

I love those moments when a child awakes in the night and sits by your side. I love to rub his back. Then he falls sideways down next to you and fits perfectly nested there. He tells of signs of feeling better and his oh so soft thinning hair is the best thing I have ever felt beneath my light fingers as the moon is shining full into the room and the breeze from the fan makes for a perfect night. Pleasant sleeping sounds from my honey on my left complete the moment. Thank you Lord. Thank you in the night.

joyful hearts and crocheting

I just wanted to let you all know what we've been up to. I have so many things to update here. In between all the researching, praying, healing etc...I have been mindlessly crocheting as it is quite relaxing and soothing. I made this for my mom with some stash someone gave me. God is guiding and leading and answering prayer beyond my ability to fathom. Keep praying for that and thanking God for healing. There are many emotions with this whole thing, ups and downs, fears and jubilations. We are so thankful. Mostly He gives us joy and glimmers of hope!! God is good.
Mark 11:23, 24

happy thanksgiving 2010

What a difference this Thanksgiving meal is compared to last year. Although still not 100% healed, I can say that my feet are so much better and are truly a big step continued in the right direction. This is where I cannot be lazy. I must be diligent with my stretches and foot support, etc. This year for the first time in so many years I cannot even remember, my mama won't be with us. She went out to visit with my sister and her family. My granny is going to stay with some other family and swing in later..hopefully in enough time to play some table games. My In Laws are coming and two of my hubby's siblings, so I am getting this done here without my mama and it is going very well. Prayers have been answered and steps taken to keep my feet well. Prayers answered here. Simple is the word of the day here.

Above is my homemade, fresh ground spelt flour coffee cake..yum!

I am making the turkey, it smells so good and providing the green bean casserole, mash potatoes and celery with cream cheese 'stuff'.
Family is bringing sweet potato casserole, fruit salad, roles and pies!

Have a great Thanksgiving you all! Blessings to you!

19 years!!!

I know I have already shown this photo. You're right, I need to get a new one you know...but here we are from last year but still just as cute, married for 19 years..it really does get better if you keep hanging on for the whole ride...thank you Lord for blessing me with this long marriage to a faithful, hard working, steady man!

bloomsbury 2010

It's been a couple years since we went to this event put on by Dance Marathon! It was the most perfect, lovely day....plus my mom came with us,
after which, we spent the evening having dinner with our dear friends that live nearby and they served us a huge, scrumptious dinner!!

wordless wednesday

wordless wednesday

happy birthday mom!!

This is my sweet mama. She is an amazing woman. She is a pilot too! (the best, I might add) I made her this lovely ripple blanket. Oh how we all loved it and Dylan is already telling me that he may have to have a second crochet blanket similar to this one before he goes off to college. (music to my ears really)
I made this out of my stash mostly with some good will finds in between, so no choosing colors but just crazily using the blues I had with some whites..ooo it was so fun! It turned out to be quite large as well.
Do you see that cake up there? My hubby bought that for my mom, we have been staying there this weekend as we lost our power then she lost some sewer power due to the large influx of people to her old, old house..please pray for that one..wow, anywho, that is the VERY large cake he bought! Yikes! AND..he ended up getting those never blow out candles..what a hoot. It was beautiful though and quite tasty.
We love you mom/grandma!

what we are speaks so much louder....

Our children are going to learn more by living with us day in and day out than they will by reading about ratios and proportions. What we are—the ideas that rule our lives, the attitudes that rule our hearts, the actions and words that stem from those attitudes—will have a bigger impact on them than what they learn about some historical figure.

Once again Charlotte gently reminded us that the atmosphere of our homes makes up one-third of our children's education. What we are speaks so much louder than what we do or plan to do.

I want my children to be "hourly the better" for spending their days with me. It's a tall order that can be accomplished only with much prayer. Let's renew our commitment to put forth the effort—daily—of living devotedly, acting lovingly, thinking correctly, and speaking kindly before our children.

I tool this from a Simply Charlotte Mason email newsletter. I just thought it was very good. I have been very convicted of late and regrouping on this 'attitude' in the home. It is easy to lose track a bit, especially when you are weary from stress in your life. Thankfully we have a God who's grace is daily renewed.

fine arts festival 2010

I love the fine arts festival. It is a great way to show all the hard work these kids do to learn their craft and an opportunity to perform for others while honoring and glorifying the Lord. After listening to 2 different groups with a brief intermission, we head downstairs for a display of various art projects and refreshments.
I LOVE it. We haven't been there consistently over the last 2 or 3 years due to obvious reasons. Even this year I didn't have it together enough to have the boys ready with a recitation. Next year things will be different.
Everyone playing or reciting there blesses me, but when they get to the kids who have been playing for years..wow..what can I say? I can only praise God for what he has created us to be able to do! The music is so intense and pleasing to the ears..to the soul!

Now, I am about to present some photos of my children's art here. Beware. No bragging or pride intended, more like, I want to document them and share them with people who do want to see it. I hope you enjoy a peek. I was actually quite shocked that we even had this much to showcase, once we gathered things together.





Here is a video of our damsel girl playing for the recital. Someday I will remember that I cannot turn a video...I promise, so please enjoy while you relax your head sideways...:)

Ok, I am experiencing technical difficulties, so hang in there.