1 year in Heaven

I know I am late....I should have done this on the 2nd but I communicate more on facebook when it comes to all the milestones of our Braveheart being in Heaven.  Christmas was hard....good, because we have such a wonderful family still left here on earth, but unbelievably hard...I guess it was an added weight due to the fact that it was Christmas and that his year anniversary was coming and now has went....  I must admit that I was not in the spirit as we once were during our favorite holiday.  I usually blast the home with Christmas songs and bake and this year I just couldn't play it as often.  My daughter turned it on the most and that was ok, but most of them made me sad and reminded me of Braveheart.  I think the kids may have felt a small difference but not in the way of neglecting them or anything of that nature.
It felt much like the first year was a hazing blur of tears and numbness just like they say....keeping busy taking care of the other kiddos. It felt like God put these protective walls up so that we couldn't swallow it all at once..because if we did, we would just die....
Lately, I have felt as if the walls have slowly began to come down, as if God is allowing us to process more and more of the truth and pain of it.  I have to live the rest of my life on this earth without my precious boy!!!
Something that makes us happy is knowing he is truly in Heaven with Jesus and has no tears and we still have these amazing kids here on earth, and me and the hubs, well, we have each other, which is a huge blessing. And of coarse, we have Jesus, which makes it all worth while, which gives us the hope that we will see our boy again one day.

We love and miss you so much son.  See you in Heaven one day, then our hearts will be ok again....