missing you so

Sometimes life is so busy, but I never stop thinking of you ever! So many memories of you and all the things we did over your life but especially the last year and half that we fought so exhaustively hard you here.  When I drive around, it is like you are there, in my mind, nearly each song reminding me of you, yet I know that if I let my thoughts drift too far then I will lose it....
It's ok to cry and I do, but sometimes one just doesn't want to cry...especially if you are around other people.  I just can't believe you are gone!!  I..we..your daddy and I miss you so very much that it hurts.
Starting home schooling is weird. Now we are a different busy and we can do some more of the activities with other kids, yet I feel strange. I don't always know who knows you are gone. Some people act weird around me or don't know what to say.  Not many people say horrible bad things...I am thankful for that as I have heard some doozies from other people.  I marvel at the unfriendliness of a few that I have tried to befriend.  Oh how my heart is broken in a billion pieces, yet I go on....I go on with a purpose and yet a very real disconnect to this earth and why we are even here.  Heaven and Eternity are my longing, knowing that bad things happen on this broken earth, not knowing all of the why, but being ok with that for now.  So thankful for my other kiddos here on earth to love.
How does one go on whilst one's heart is broken into a million pieces. God holds each piece together each day. He captures my tears.
I often think of the 2 1/2 years we had him before younger siblings came along, I think of what he was like when he was little, such a good boy with a huge heart, such a talker...I used to tell my oldest son that one day he would miss his brother chatting him up in the morning. He does.

I think about how much we wanted him when we got pregnant with him after waiting for so long so hubs could go to school.  I think about how strange it is to have known this amazing young man for 15 years and 7 months and that he had to leave us and how sad it makes me....I got to know him, be with him, care for him, watch him almost die so often then defy the odds, but eventually the sting of death took hold...Heaven is his home now...this boy that I have loved these 15 years is gone...I watched him in his last moments on earth....I watched him sing to the Lord that very day....I held him long after he was gone...

Oh do I miss him so......

Day ??

Still resting. I was suppose to go into day 17 and test a new veggie, but for some strange reason I was up .2 after having a clean rest day which is completely unusual for me.  So then I have a second rest day and I am up .6!  MMMmmmmm. Something fishy going on here. I chalked Thursday's up to having an ionic foot bath at my chiro but I have no idea why I am up again from my second clean day.  I will keep investigating and get back to you.
I also noticed my nose is stuffy and mucousy which it hasn't been lately, so checking on that. Not a good wt. loss week. I will not be discouraged.

Day 16 the plan

Day 16 is normally a day of testing two proteins in one day, yes it's true, one can eat well but even portions can have an affect on your inflammation.  The problem is that I had to run some well loved family peeps to doctor appt.'s and I was COMPLETELY out of groceries and didn't have time to even make the lunch protein so I opted for trying a new breakfast instead, it would be this creamy rice that we love here. I slavered on the butter, coconut oil and coconut sugar...mmmm....then ate my normal 'safe' foods the rest of the day.
Down .8!!!

That is a plus!  Due to my ups, I am still around 10 lbs lost but that is ok because I am testing things and recovering nicely from my 'off' days.  That is what I love about this, lifestyle, not torture style.

Ok, rest day today, so will let you know how things look tomorrow.

Beef..that's what is for dinner.

Day 15 the rest day

Day 15....ok here we go...now I have had my rest day but two days of just eating the wrong food at dinner, only dinner mind you, it can really make you feel how much inflammation was in that bad knee and those bad feet. Seriously.
Yesterday was a fabulous day though. I felt plenty full even with some healing ginger carrot soup.  I was quite tired by days end since I did a mild cleanse and then helped out at church with the kids while an event was going on. Came home quite ready for bed, but the amazing thing was how much I was dreaming of the most delicious meal we had eaten for dinner. It was so good.

Stir fried zuccini and broccoli (broccoli from my garden by the way) with brown rice ( I really love the short grain but hearing great things about brown jasmine rice so can't wait to get that) and steak.  Oh my, I made my new favorite sauce called Spicy Coco Sauce. I will finally put down here the picture and recipe.  Pour it on the veggies and rice, so tasty, I didn't realize how much I love tumeric until this dish.  AND you can still lose wt. on this stuff!

Back down 1.2 and will keep going.

Ok, I do know how to take a picture but this one is just not that great.  I am going to have to get you the recipe later. Oh it is so good.  Really.


Love and peace to you all. HE is the reason.

Day ?what?

I hate to say it but I have to repeat my rest day AGAIN. Good day all day, I have been very strict this whole time with a few exceptions and everyone wanted pizza for dinner on Labor Day so...you can guess the rest. I ate some and I was stuffed so easily and still in the morning. Up again 1.4 but plan to get back on track today for sure and eating some ginger carrot soup that I froze previously. I actually want to eat it too after the pizza and I learned alot from doing so. 

1) It didn't taste as good as I thought it would 2) I will enjoy it now and then but just don't really want it anymore. 3) My temp was down some but my dtr's was way down for her...94+. I will assess how she is today as well.

Off to start my Day 15 again and praying I will be able to tell you all about a great recovery tomorrow.

Day 15 the plan

Day 15 Rest Day....well, it turned into a non-rest day because we went to a lovely wedding which was only outside and I just decided to pick the best foods I could as the Chinese food looked really good. This is how one stays on these kinds of 'diets' although I hate that word because I am having a lifestyle change that I can live with forever and enjoy things in life as I go. That is how it was with all my wt. loss while juicing last year too. I am not done juicing, just adding to my life here with this information I will use for my life forever. Love it..so yeah, I am up...1.4 today! It's really true, everything I have been learning. I think that most of this is the sodium in the food and hopefully I can have a true rest day today and eat all my safe foods and then I will be back down and raring to go. I am so excited to try some new foods again.

See you tomorrow to find out how my rest day went.

Love to all.

Day 14 the plan

Day 14 meant trying a new breakfast, so I tried one that I have been longing to eat again. My Budwig breakfast. I did pass but with only a .2 loss.  I will take it but won't be eating that often yet so far.  Now I will have a rest day, but we are going to a wedding with Chinese food so I may eat a wedding dinner this time. There is just always something to interrupt even a 20 day lifestyle change to I have resigned myself to just missing things which is fine but this one was outside and I will just see. Let you know how it goes.