Magnanimous

5 months..I know..crazy right?

2012-02-12T12:35:00.000-06:00

It has now been 5 months since Braveheart's transplant. This is a great milestone! I haven't been here this last week due to extreme busyness. I still have to take him to clinic at least once a week. The other children have many papers due, places to go. He has been feeling better. I am filled with joy during these times. I feel like a little 'normal' is about. I push away the other thoughts that try to slip in. I try to enjoy the 'believing' thought that we did this...he is healed...no more bad cancer forever!! God is giving me tremendous peace. I enjoy the feeling I sometimes get of complete relief. I feel like I will never be 'afraid' again.

****When God is for us, what can cancer do?

We are thankful for the many blessings and answered prayers. I am glad that faith is about holding tight to it when the storm comes. What is faith if you believe that it is only real if your life is perfect? Life is hard. Bad things happen. With that being said, I believe God's word though and he is a GOD OF IMPOSSIBILITIES and he made me to want my son to live...Praise God! That is how he makes a mama! SO I will pray in His will that he may live, thrive, heal and show them just how amazing He is!

keeping accountable

2012-01-31T11:43:00.000-06:00

I decided to try to write more here about how my eating is going for many reasons.

1. Even though I don't claim to be any kind of excellent writer, I really love to write and it gives a chance to do that.
2. I know some of you actually care what I am up to personally even if we can't get together right now as much as we would like.
3. I need some accountability.

So, today is my weigh day. One more pound down with 3 total. I really do feel like the bits o' cellulite I have accumulated are improved but I am watching to make sure it is not my imagination. I haven't done a 100% juice fast but am drinking 8-16 ounces daily.

Yesterdays was quite good:

1/2 cuke
one chunk mustard leaf
handful of beet leaf
4 org. carrots
one whole swiss chard
1 org green apple
small handful cranberries
handful fresh parsley
2 celery

I think that was everything, plus I had a raw salad for lunch and went for some walking/lifting in the evening.
In addition I had fun making a yummy potato and leek casserole that was scrump for dinner and ate small portion. Although I used the potatoes we had, I am determining to try to get all my potatoes at the farmer's market this year as they are the worst pesticide offenders in the veggie world.

For the record, I also spent most of my day on the phone with doctors regarding Braveheart who isn't feeling well and has an infection. Ahhhh..it felt good to sit down at the end of the day!

on making raw salad

2012-01-30T16:13:00.000-06:00

I am trying to juice again now. I am completely out of shape and feeling double my age. My knee injury acts up off and on and limits my mobility, my feet (plantar fasciitis), is always on the edge of well, but is acutely affecting my life again, my body aches in the morning, I gained more wt. I am tired all the time.....years ago I was actually diagnosed with fibromyalgia, but have not really believed it for sure. However, symptoms are symptoms..so I am reading an inspiring book and I am trying to eat more raw food in my diet. Little steps I say. That doesn't mean I won't be eating normal food still but I am gearing up for a juice fast soon!
Anyway, here is a salad I made that I quite loved.

"Tonya's made up but surely not the first to think of it, raw salad"

Napa cabbage thinly sliced
sweet onions thinly sliced
broccoli 1-2 little trees very finely chopped
red sweet bell peppers
raw sunflower seeds
chia seeds sprinkled
organic raisins
smidgen of real, parm cheese

put all these in a bowl big enough to be able to toss nicely in the amounts you desire

add your home made dressing:

1/2 olive oil and/or grape seed oil
one fresh pressed garlic clove
red wine vinegar
salt/pepper
several drops of Stevia liquid
shake well
put on salad

toss well

adjust all ingredients according to your tastes..don't be shy..it was soooo good!!

the simple things

2012-01-25T14:41:00.001-06:00

I haven't thought that much about getting out of the shower..so to speak..but I had to share a strange joy I felt last night after Bryce finished his bath. He has had a pretty good week, considering. Along with daily battles on this road, just to see him leave the bathroom with his jammies on, his hair looking long and sweet and curlie, his cheeks squeaky clean and chuncky from the steroids..but he had the biggest smile...he looked so clean, bright and handsome...I am rejoicing in this precious moment in the hall, talking, laughing with him and touching his sweet, soft hair. Soooo very thankful....

Read Alouds 2010/ 2011 school year

2012-01-24T10:18:00.001-06:00

Wow, could this have been it? I shudder to think, but it has been a weird year for us or so. I hope I have forgotten something.

the golden goblet
where the red fern grows
grandma's attic
the first four years
the long patrol

chia seeds....good

2012-01-20T18:04:00.002-06:00

I am always finding ways to add nutrient dense foods and nutrition to our families diet. Recently I have become quite fond of Chia seeds and all they have to offer. They are so easy to store and add to foods we already eat and everybody likes them. Well, I found this article and wanted to share it with you about Chia seeds.

Enjoy.

pumpkin muffins...mmm...

2012-01-12T12:24:00.000-06:00

I just finished enjoying some warm, fresh, right out of the oven Pumpkin Muffins...mmmm...! I am on a mission to keep getting organized as much as I can with the high task of getting Braveheart back into a learning routine, in addition to assisting his recovery, making him healthy, plus I want to use up some of my 'stash' that has accumulated in my deep freezer and pantry. By the way, I just dropped off some blood for his labs this very morning.

One thing that we still hadn't used up were those zip lock bags of home grown pumpkin that I had cooked and frozen about two years ago. I have been planning on making muffins. Today was the day. I used some of the fresh ground white wheat I had ground and stuck in the freezer last year. OH MY GOODNESS! So good, soft, moist, delicious!!! If you haven't started grinding your own grains, then you may want to consider it soon because it is soooo good. Well, the boy is done with his math, I must return to my 'real' duties. Love it though and now I have some healthy snacks for the kids when they get home! Yum! Maybe I can get back to my poor office room that is calling my name...but now I have gotten a brief bit of writing out which I thoroughly enjoy..have a great week!

books of 2011

2012-01-07T08:07:00.001-06:00

Here is my list of books for 2011. It may be missing a few. It is short and mostly nonfiction this year. What a year we've had as most of you are aware, so I will not claim any absolute for the accuracy of this list. Haaa.

My books of 2011

the path of daggers
heaven can wait
the core
crown of swords
bone marrow and blood stem cell
God still heals
Ph miracle
cancer free: your guide to gentle non-toxic healing
cancer: step outside the box
never be sick again
outsmart your cancer

do people know?

2012-01-06T12:27:00.002-06:00

From a post of carepage friend who lost her son...just had to share it..

Do people know?

Posted 14 minutes ago

We have entered a month of sadness. Too many losses. I wasthinking about all of the people who follow the kids thru CP or CBor FB . I was thinking of how some of you become family and keep intouch and how some others seem to just go from one kid to the nextas if they were following a drama TV show . They read our words,until our child goes in remission or dies. Then they move on . Arethey actually understanding what is happening? That our flesh andblood is tortured daily either by the disease or the treatment? Dothey truly understand the depth of it? Do they actually learnsomething or get something out of it ? Do they realize the traumawe go thru as parents when the words “ Your child hascancer”?
When I heard those words and they were directed to us and our child, I lost touch with reality. It just couldn’t be. Not Julian , notmy son. I felt that someone had their hands around my neck and wereholding it tighter and tighter until I couldn’t breathe . I feltlike throwing up . Then listening to the oncologist explaining thetreatments he had to have was more than my brain and my heart couldhandle. Radiations for 30 days total brain and spine. Chemotherapyfor over a year. The more she went into details the fastest I waslosing it. She asked several times if we wanted to wait till thenext day to finish discussing the details. But I knew shed betterjust doing it all right then. When she was done , I couldn’t stopthe tears. I couldn’t go back to Julian’s room and face him knowingwhat we were about to put him thru. I couldn’t face anyone elseeither. So I ran away to the hospital chapel and just couldn’t stopthe tears no matter how hard I tried. Then I went to a differentfloor in the hospital , sat on the ground on one of the balconieslooking down on the atrium and listened to a young girl playing thepiano. So many thing racing thru my mind, trying my best not tothrow up. My lil man , my buddy …God he was not even four yet. Wewere going to put him thru hell . The only thought that validateddoing this to him was that it was necessary to save him . Hope.Hope is all you have when you face those hard decisions.
Do people understand that when they read our stories? Do theyunderstand the impact on our whole being when we hear “your childhas cancer”
How about when we hear one of the siblings ask “is he going todie?” NO child , absolutely NO child should have to worry about thepotential death of their baby brother!!!
Then you wake up your kid very early for 30 days , take them to thehospital every single morning but weekends , to have their brainand spine zapped at unimaginably strong doses of radiations and ifthey are too little to stay awake , they get put under anesthesiaevery single day. And all you hope for is that they will haveenough healthy brain cells left to learn to tie their shoes someday, because we are given no guarantee …
Do people realize what it takes to get up one more day and anotherand actually voluntarily bring your child in to have his brainradiated??? Do they?? Do they understand how we might feel??
Then there is the poison that you watch dripping slowly into yourbaby’s veins. You know it is going to make him sick as a dog . Youknow it is going to make him bald . You know it is going to makehis skin burn and peel . You know he is going to have mouth sore sobad his mouth is going to bleed and he wont be able to eat for day.You know his joints are going to ache . You know all that but hopethat one day he will be cancer free makes it all bearable to watch. Except some days it is too much . We lose it , we scream in ourpillow so he doesn’t hear. We have to step out and lose it. Exceptsome days panic sets in . You just cant see that it will ever getbetter. You feel guilty for doing this to your child. You hurtwatching him so weak and broken. You get angry, why did it have tobe him . You envy your friends and their healthy children.
Do people realize how overloaded with emotions we are? Do theyunderstand how screwed up our minds become? How bad it allhurts?
Yes , we still smile, the kids still smile . But **** ithurts.
Do you remember when I explained how it felt when a child is firstdiagnosed, when we first hear the words “your child hascancer”?
Well , that was nothing compared to hearing the words “ You childhas relapsed” or “the tumor is back and growing fast” or” We havevery few options left” and eventually “ There is nothing more wecan do” , oh and try “ We have arranged for hospice staff to meetwith you” .
The initial punch in the stomach from original diagnosis has nowturned into a hand actually reaching inside your chest and rippingpart of your heart out. THERE IS NOTHING MORE WE CAN DO … A niceway to say “ YOU CHILD IS DYING “
Can anyone who hasn’t heard those words actually comprehend any ofthe feelings and emotions ?? Do they try or would they rather noteven go there?
From the time those words are softly spoken to you (like it makesit any easier to hear) until the end, it spirals down . You knowyou cant stop it and it is the most sickening feeling ever , deepin your gut. It is like having fine sand in your hand and you tryto keep it there but no matter what you do the sand slips throughand is eventually all gone. You just couldn’t stop it . I couldn’tstop Julian from slipping away . Again , so very sickening. Iwatched him getting worse and worse each day , with death as theonly possible outcome. MY child who was seemingly healthy 9 monthsprior was going to die. HE WAS GOING TO DIE . I repeated thosewords in my head so many times over and over as to try to makesense of it all . But it never did make sense. None of it makessense.
Then he died. It was the most heartbreaking experience ever…NOTHING compares to watching your child fight for his last breath (exactly like a fish out of water) , nor to feeling his little heartstop beating in his chest right under your fingers. NOTHING.
Again can anyone comprehend the trauma ?
I don’t think so . It is too huge . It is too scary .
I wouldn’t ask of anyone to truly go there but please , please ,when you follow our kids stories , be respectful , keep in mindthat they are real , and so are our feelings and emotions. To us ,they aren’t just another sick kid , they are our babies and forthose of us whose children died , the trauma is so great we willnever get over it. Our children are our life and we couldn’t sparethem from death. We long and ache for them with all our heart , thethought of never being able to hug Julian , kiss his sweet lips ,smell his skin , kills me.
So if you just like to read our stories for the drama of it, maybeyou should stop and think that maybe, just maybe instead , youshould be hugging your healthy child, closing your eyes, smellinghis skin and taking him fishing while you still have a chance. Noone knows what tomorrow will bring…
Well, we do know that tomorrow in the US ,another 46 sets ofparents will hear the words “ your child has cancer “ and that 7sets of parents will say goodbye to their child and will be foreverbroken . And the sucky part is, IT COULD BE YOUR CHILD … It wasmine…
Mimi

JUST SAYIN'..................

2011-12-21T18:30:00.002-06:00

People..if you are going to put something on Craigslist...PLEASE.... put a picture of the item you are trying to selllll on there....
...just saying....

chocolate chip banana cake with peanut butter frosting

2011-12-20T21:25:00.003-06:00

Making this from scratch with some help from my Braveheart boy. Looking so good in the oven, yum. Smells so good. I wish I had photo room for you!!

It looks so great cooling on the oven....

Ok, so it looks very stinking good and it ended up tasting even better..I would recommend that, in future, one would use 2 round baking pans and cook accordingly for it being more fully done in center.

This one's a keeper but not many of the family were overly excited about it. Mom and I loved it, hubby had left over pie so we'll get back to you, one boy wasn't keen on the PB frosting, one oldest picky one 'doesn't eat stuff with banana in it' and one girl doesn't like PB at all and my last kid..well he likes everything but not sure he tried it yet tonight!!

Peace out...folks, it was fun to bake and want to again, it's been awhile what with the whole living at a hospital thing....

Have fun in the kitchen...

DAY 100!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-12-19T14:08:00.000-06:00

Yes, this is DAY 100 post transplant! This is, by no means, the end of his journey nor is BRAVEHEART completely out of the woods yet, but this is a huge milestone in progress.
Thank you Jesus!!!

just sayin'.................

2011-12-19T14:04:00.002-06:00

I am starting a new special feature here on my blog where I can make one statement fun comments that may or may not be cool and quite possibly will be a way to just muse in brief, get some mild complaining off my chest or maybe some kind of awesome praise........just sayin'!

last day radiation today!!

2011-12-15T07:51:00.000-06:00

We are so thankful for so many answers to prayer.! Today marks the end of radiation for our son. We are so thankful for this gift of individualized care they have given our Braveheart. Now I must get some Christmas preparations finished!
Keep praying.

investing in their hearts...encouragement for mommies

2011-12-04T17:07:00.001-06:00

A QUOTE FROM SALLY...

Now it is true that we are in difficult times and the culture pulls at our children’s hearts and some may go astray. But that doesn’t mean all will-and it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t fight for their hearts, give them a reason to be faithful, seek to make our home the best place they will ever be, so that they will want to be with us and love the God we love and serve.

Here is the link for the full article. It doesn't mean everyone MUST homeschool, but whatever God leads you to do, let it be an investment in their hearts.....

http://www.itakejoy.com/aaaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhhh-foolishness-abounds/

I hope you can take a moment and read this article. I always love reading things from Sally.

happy thanksgiving for 2011

2011-11-24T12:43:00.001-06:00

I am here, at our home, that Bryce can't come to yet due to floor repairs. My nose had been getting drippier, my sneezing, sneezier. Finally, I have no choice but to stay away from him, upstairs at the home we are longing to be, where the smell is better and I am laid out on my...yes... MY very own bed. In between many wakeful 'symptom' moments, I slept like a rock, knowing that our Braveheart was with daddy and in good hands and doing well. It was blissful except for the lack of my warm man next to me and the snot. :)
The vision of actually moving back home is quickly becoming a reality. The floor is done. The air is think with the smell of floor polyurethane. The windows are open and now it is starting to get cold as the sun melts away in the sky. There is dust everywhere. This must be cleaned and settled before B can move in and be free to take off his mask and avoid a common construction bug that could be quite harmful for him.
This rest I must admit has done me some real good. Just lying around, vegging, drinking water, sleeping...blowing my nose with a little more freedom here..oh yes. The simple things. Love your NON-immune compromised home if you have one. It is a blessing to be appreciated. Don't get me wrong, we are happy to take all our extra steps, but if you want one more thing to be thankful for, then there you are.
Missing my family right now in sequestered time out.
So much to be thankful for. B is getting better every day. Thank you Lord for my precious family, friends and You. Blessings for all our fellow families battling these awful childhood diseases.

happy birthday dear girl..#10

2011-11-18T14:12:00.001-06:00

My darling only girl turned 10. We are so thankful to be home from the hospital in time for it, but I will admit it is a bit overwhelming to celebrate right now. She is such a fine young lady, so thankful for her. Looking forward to all the amazing things we will be doing together over the years. So glad that she is healthy and her immune system is working so well.

discharge?

2011-11-15T07:38:00.001-06:00

Today is Day 67. Discharge is within our grasp. Now we are waiting for his blood pressure to calm down. If today is Tuesday then we have gone home to a condo of a friend. It was weird as we wheeled our son out looking over the walkway out over all the construction. Life going on as usual. We have been here for right short of 11 weeks! It becomes part of you. Daddy is with us, this makes it all so much better. Now I will squeeze my other kids soon. Braveheart has been brave..so brave..God has answered so many prayers...thank you Jesus!!

Day 37

2011-10-16T10:35:00.001-05:00

I happen to know that we have been here for a long time now. Since Sept. 1st. I think we're hanging in there ok. Some days it does take it's toll though. Especially during certain hormonal explosion times. Mostly you nurses here are just great, but boy do you hold some power over how we feel here. Some just don't click with us or respect me as the parent and seem like you are still in 'high school' in your attitude. Thankfully, that is rare. Thankfully the Lord is my portion and my rock. I will show the love of Christ and not be brought down by these little bumps in the road for long. Amen.

Day 29

2011-10-08T13:44:00.002-05:00

Today is day 29 post transplant. We have been through the ringer and back. Have you ever thought your child might be facing death...soon? It's a disheartening feeling. It is a surefire way to learn to pray better. We have turned a corner in his healing. We have a long way to go but we are heading in the right direction and we are seeing many prayers answered. Whilst he is sleeping, I just stepped outside into a beautiful 80 degree sunny day with a lovely breeze. My current world. I need to be out here, to feel the sun on my face. I find bits of green intermixed with shiny architectural shapes of buildings 8 stories high. Breezes are just always better when you are next to trees. I am unable to think of what I will do when I get home. I am only here, in the now, in this moment. Praising God for victories along the way......

day 1

2011-09-12T11:23:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was Day 0. The actual transplant day. It went very well. Anticlimactic. Counts have dropped. Joy abounds. Peace. The siblings were able to be here. This is good so that they can have some kind of connection. We had food and it was good. Now we pray as he enters the hardest part. It's weird because he has to have this plethora of IV meds to protect and manage his system while he has no counts and to keep his body from rejecting the cells and yet that is what starts to make him feel worse and cause it's own set of symptoms.

a day of rest....T minus 4

2011-09-05T14:52:00.001-05:00

Here we are at the hospital. Daddy and the littles are here now. A close friend will pick them up and they will stay there for a week or so. It should take the edge off missing mommy (me) and give my mom (granny) a chance to work and do other things. She is manning the home front, playing mommy for me. I (we) are so thankful for her.

It is a bit hard to believe that we are here right now. Although we do fully 'believe' for healing. Braveheart's three days of very high dose chemo is in and since he is healed, well...no more chemo ever!! He is as he stoically states,

"Tired, bored, weak and sick."

I think he is doing very well and no vomiting is a major plus too. Many prayer are being answered.

So, after his rest today he will get three days of TOTAL BODY RADIATION 2 x day. The donor harvest is Thursday!

I stay right here in my joy filled bubble, trying with moderate success to let some of the things around me just bounce off all the while praying for them. One little girl died up here of complications. Sadly, my man even knew the father from work. Another boy has relapsed after his transplant. Mothers are hurting. There is more but I feel like God has covered us with His wings just like Psm 91 says.

Be on the lookout for TRANSPLANT DAY!! SEPTEMBER NINTH!!

Don't forget to get swabbed. http://www.bonemarrow.org/help/become_a_donor.html

BELIEVE FOR HEALING FOREVER!!

i'm giving in....

2011-08-25T20:05:00.003-05:00

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

feeling better today

2011-08-24T17:41:00.002-05:00

Wow, what a crazy week last week going to the hospital at least 3 times and trying to get little ones off to school and organized and then still keep Braveheart and his school going. We are trying to chug along like normal between all this. I feel like it is very important. He is feeling better with cystitis issues edging toward normal. Giving him shots, hooking up fluids at night, unhooking at night, moral support at night, drawing blood, talking with docs on phone, pushing fluids, feeding foods to strengthen him...this is our normal right now..

death is real....

2011-08-21T21:26:00.002-05:00

A boy died today. A boy I have seen up at the hospital, walking around, bald. He seemed pleasant enough. I didn't really get a chance to know him. My time there is fleeting unlike the many that are there for months and develop a deep bond. We have developed some too, but it is just interesting how many people just end up never really knowing each other there. I wish I could have known him. He was 13 years old friends!! Braveheart is 14. This boy looked full of life when I saw him in the hall talking with the nurses. He lost his battle with cancer. I don't know his whole story but I know he had a transplant. Why do I have to see so many sad cases lately??? Can I maintain hope in healing with all that surrounds me? Can I point the way to a Christ that loves us and is strong and supernatural?? I want to wake up now....I want to.....

"be still and kow that I am God"

2011-08-20T18:03:00.003-05:00

I am really starting to hate my blog. I ran out of pics on Picasso and can't seem to delete any and I don't really know what I am doing and my counter is gone. It's crazy! My life is crazy! Everything is so surreal right now.
We got B's scans back and all looked good. Then the initial bone marrow and it looks good too!! I should be so happy and believe me I am so happy. I am praising God. But I do feel strange. Sometimes it feels like a dream. We have to fight this BK virus that has given him hemorrhagic cystitis. There is a weird sense of just resting..."be still and know that I am God". It is a good place to be because if we are to get out of this transplant, which is not my favorite thing to do but my only option we have left other than God just healing him done right now this minute which we still believe for every day, then God will simply have to direct every detail to do that. My mind cannot even conjure up any more ways that LITTLE 'OL ME can do it.

2nd round at hospital

2011-08-06T15:48:00.003-05:00

We are here on our second round of this mix of therapy. We will have these three chemo drugs for 5 days then go home. We had a good visit from the onc doc today. It seems like B is doing very well with this chemo. I hate giving him chemo, but there is no choice. This 'batch' has been better on him than any he has had before. We are on this. GOD has this one.
The doc on call just happened to be the one in charge of the transplants, so that was nice and I was able to ask some questions regarding the transplant. Actually, it didn't just happen, I prayed about it. I love it when that happens. We will have a big meeting prior to BMT also, so we will know all about it. They were going to go straight to transplant but this doc was talking about a possibility of maybe doing one more round if he keeps doing this well to get him in a deeper remission. Deeper remission means there will be more cancer cells destroyed, the ones you can't see, so hopefully more chance of the BMT succeeding. I know there will be some amazing results as B goes through this.
I know some mom's up here. So many sad stories. So many good stories. So many relapses. So many new diagnoses! 1 child in 320 will be diagnoses with cancer EACH DAY! No one is immune. Children are not the same as adults. They don't get cancer because they ate too much junk their whole life etc...yes all that helps keep it away and helps everyone's life in general, but I truly believe that there is something big that happens that causes cancer in them, like a mix of the right conditions such as virus, molds, parasites, food intake and pesticides all in different scenarios depending on the kid, the location, the cancer etc...
I can't and don't try to figure it out, it is too big for my brain, especially now. Ugh. But God is good and supplies all our needs and is always giving peace and comfort.
Believing for healing,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

reminiscing with photos

2011-07-28T11:14:00.003-05:00

I have been spending some time organizing my photos. Waiting patiently for the sales to go on so I can clear up my blog and put pics on there again. I finally got that done today! Wow, I am now printing out 2009. So surreal to go through those. Braveheart looking so good, we thinking he was going to finish this and be done forever. Sometimes our timing isn't the Lord's timing. I know he will be healed, I just know it! It just feels weird to look back on our journey and be where we are now. It hurts a little. When the cancer comes back, it is harder to cure. Kids are so different from adults. His is so fast, it gives us little time and less choices! That can be very hard to swallow. I am strong though, HE makes us pillars of iron..look in Jeremiah! God's word is healing and it gives so much good word to live and speak out over our lives...thank you Jesus for our boy!

giving blood the easy way

2011-07-21T11:39:00.002-05:00

I will admit that I have a very hard time giving blood. I get icky feeling for most of the day. I know they say to drink lots of water, but I always think I do. I haven't given as much lately due to this and the stress involved with my own child being ill. Now, however, I was feeling so good the other day and B had to get blood in the hospital, so I said, why not get on it again?!! I determined to drink starting the day before. I also added powdered greens to my water to build volume and make my blood nice and healthy. It was a peace of cake. They made me drink juice during the donation. I drank all night. I felt GREAT!! I encourage you to go out and do it. If you never have, now is the time. It could be your son or daughter next having a need for this. Accidents happen. Blood saves my son's life while in treatment. Thank you to those of you who take the time. Blessings upon you in Jesus' name.
PS: THEY NEED MEN TO DONATE JUST PLATELETS, SO THE RECIPIENT CAN GET ALL THE SAME CELLS. THEY ARE FINDING AN INFECTION IN WOMAN, SO THEY PREFER MEN. GO GET YOU STRONG ABLE BODIED MEN!!

pre-transplant nesting?

2011-07-19T11:10:00.006-05:00

I cannot believe how much I am getting done! The Lord has given me an amazing strength and energy and ability to accomplish so much right now. Braveheart is sleeping, kids have done chores and read and I am getting one thing after another done on my list.

The kids school plans are being laid, books being ordered, supplies bought and checklists created. I feel like I am a new mother nesting in her home prior to the arrival of the baby. In a way I am, because we will be welcoming the arrival of a new bone marrow for our precious boy! I hate that we have to do this but there it is. I know that He will be supernaturally healed through this and we will see a true testament to God's healing.

Now, the house on the other hand, no matter what I do, I turn around and there it looks like a tornado has run through...ugh. I am trying to hold on to some semblance of that, but hey, the laundry is caught up. How many of you can say that? :)

cure search is the children's cancer research organization to support

2011-07-16T15:02:00.002-05:00

This is taken from a fellow cancer warrior's carepage.

SWIMMERS GO GOLD TO CURE KIDS CANCER

Swimmers from the North Shore Summer Swim League and surrounding area pool and beach clubs are hosting the “Swimmers Go Gold to Cure Kids Cancer” campaign to help raise awareness and funding for childhood cancer research. Their efforts will benefit the Make Some Noise: Cure Kids Cancer Foundation, a pediatric cancer research foundation started by a child with cancer. Gold is the awareness color for childhood cancer, and teams are asking their swimmers to wear gold bathing caps at home meets. They hope to create a
“pool of gold” to help raise awareness for childhood cancers.
In May of 2009, Lilly Daneman, of Little Silver was diagnosed with a pediatric bone cancer called Ewing’s Sarcoma, she was nine years old. Lilly attended Seashore Day Camp and School and was a member of the Monmouth Barracuda Swim Team. For treatment, she spent over 100 days in the hospital, received 14 rounds of chemotherapy and limb salvage surgery to replace her femur with a titanium rod. Her schoolmate, Jack McLoone, who was twelve at the time, was also battling a form of childhood Leukemia. Lilly and Jack are now both in remission. Lilly swims and enjoys the ocean after major rehabilitation, and is competing once again, to a limited degree, on the summer Water’s Edge Beach Club Swim Team. Jack, who suffers severe nerve damage from his chemotherapy, is also enjoying life playing his beloved sport of baseball.

During Lilly’s surgery at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, in August 2009, she met 11-year-old Malcolm Sutherland- Foggio, of Morris County, who had the same type of pediatric cancer. He wanted to form a foundation to make some noise about children’s cancer and raise research funding on a national level. Lilly and Malcolm became fast friends. Malcolm incorporated Make Some Noise in September 2009, at which point, Lilly’s mother, Gerri Daneman, joined the Board of Trustees to help the foundation raise funds for Pediatric Cancer Research. In September 2010, with the help of the McLoone family, Make Some Noise hosted “Rockin’ the Boardwalk” and a sand castle building contest at McLoone’s Pier House in Pier Village. The dinner auction was dedicated to the memory of Mark Levin, age 9, who had recently passed from childhood cancer, and honored nearly a dozen Monmouth County childhood cancer warriors. This September, (which is pediatric cancer awareness month), the foundation plans to make a little more noise in Monmouth County, as so many children of Monmouth County are battling childhood cancers.
In January of 2011, another young swimmer from the Monmouth Barracudas, Rachel Kovach, was also diagnosed with Ewing’s Sarcoma. Rachel’s coach, Paul Buerck, was devastated to learn the news. Coach Paul has had two swimmers diagnosed within a year and a half of each other, and is also the teacher of two other young Monmouth County girls currently battling relapsed Leukemia. Pediatric cancer is not as rare as one would think, in fact 1 in every 320 children are diagnosed with cancer. Coach Paul and the Monmouth Barracudas hosted “Race for Rachel” in February, 2011, and Rachel and her family designated Make Some Noise as the beneficiary of the very successful event. But knowing how great the research funding needs are, Coach Paul felt he needed to do more to make some noise about childhood cancer.

This summer, Coach Paul Buerck and the Monmouth Barracuda Swim team, along with Coach Robin Levin from Seashore Day Camp have rallied the North Swim League and other surrounding area swim teams to Make Some Noise to help cure kids’ cancer. Swim teams are being asked to “Go Gold,” have their swimmers purchase gold Make Some Noise swim caps for $10.00 and wear them at one of their home meets. Some of the teams are making plans to have other types of fundraising functions at these meets to help raise more funding for critically needed research. Teams with upcoming Gold meets are Chapel; Little Monmouth; Monmouth Beach Bath & Tennis; Promenade; Sands; Seabright Bath & Tennis; Seashore Day Camp and School; Ship Ahoy; Surfrider; and Waters Edge. Make Some Noise Chairman, Julie Sutherland, Malcolm’s mother, and herself a former competitive swimmer, is delighted by the tremendous support.

A child’s odds of being diagnosed are 1 in 320—three times their likelihood of being admitted into an Ivy League College. Many treatments for childhood cancers are 30 years old, and cure research is slowed compared to adult cancer research due to lack of funding. Childhood cancer as a whole receives only 3% of the research funding pie, and that 3% needs to be divided among more than a dozen different pediatric cancers. Image how underfunded that makes any one of these childhood cancers. Some cancers, like Acute Myeloid Leukemia and most of the solid tumors, like brain and bone cancers still have poor survival rates. Those who survive childhood cancers face serious long term health consequences from the treatments they received as growing children. Chemo therapy and radiation are extremely harsh on developing organs.

The Make Some Noise: Cure Kids Cancer Foundation is head-quartered in Morris County, and occupies office space courtesy of the Mack-Cali Corporation’s generous subsidizing. The foundation raises critically needed research funds for all childhood cancers and distributes them to pediatric cancer research facilities across the country… choosing cancer specific research to fund to be sure the money is well directed. Their mission is to make some noise on a national level as quickly as possible to help speed up the research funding. In the 21 months since incorporation, Make Some Noise has raised over half a million dollars, but they are just getting started. We lose as many children to cancer each year as the number of people we lost on 911. If cures remain another 10 years off, we will lose another 20-30,000 children to cancer in this country alone, one million world-wide.
The Make Some Noise Foundation is extremely grateful to the swim teams, their coaches, families, and supporters for their heroic efforts to help make some noise about childhood cancer, and is inspired to help make this a national initiative. If your team wishes to join the campaign, contact Gerri Daneman, gerri@makenoise4kids.org for more information.
SWIMMERS GET READY .. You will be the first of a NATIONWIDE CAMPAIGN TO RAISE RESEARCH MONEY FOR PEDIATRIC CANCER..
We will be going to high-schools,colleges and competitions across the country.

Down To The River To Pray

2011-07-13T23:00:00.001-05:00

This song just caught my eye this evening...I do love this folky type music...I will update more on B soon...

Happy Birthday Ninja warrior boy #12

2011-07-09T08:32:00.002-05:00

Today is Ninja/Secret Agent boy's ( 3rd son ) birthday. He was born 12 years ago. The only child of my brood to be born in the afternoon light hours. He was not in a hurry to come out either by date or by labor. This signified the beginning of his unique personality.
He requested a boston cream cake/pie. I obliged him. I think it turned out quite good. I pretty much only make home made frosting and whip cream now. I really love the taste and it is so easy. I figure that is healthier than store bought even though it's still sugery goodness.
Here is the recipe I followed for my first actual chocolate butter cream frosting! It is so good and very rich! Wish I could post a photo. I will get this straightened out soon. We are taking the boy skating with his sister and a couple friends and then home to play. It will be simple this year.

more blood and platelets

2011-07-05T19:58:00.003-05:00

We will go in tomorrow for red cells and platelets. They are still trying to figure out the plan for sure so I have no idea if we are being admitted or not at this point. B felt much better Monday after a rough weekend coming off the prednisone and all his counts dropping etc...
We are trying to build him up so he can handle all the chemo. His kidney test is all better now that the prednisone is out. So glad to see that.
Just sitting back waiting on the Lord as He directs everything. There are so many weird feelings and yet so much peace at the same time.
Life goes on as usual though around me. Cars go by, people stay busy, babies are born, kids still need their mamas and papas. Meanwhile, there is this annoying cell that keeps invading. But God is bigger than that as we keep believing there is complete healing.

"We just have to get this last thing mom."

Love that boy....

god be in my head

2011-07-05T19:49:00.003-05:00

I discovered a new artist that I just love!!! I adore spending time listening and worshiping the Lord in song. It clears my mind, fills me up with His word and truths, lifts my spirits, pleases Him, calms my nerves, puts things in perspective, heals me, works in my life.....I could go on and on....I urge you to fill up on worshiping Him through uplifting music..after all He is the creator of music....

beautiful sunny sunday

2011-06-26T17:07:00.003-05:00

The sun is shining today, with a lovely breeze. I alternate between much needed deep cleaning inside and sitting and reading outside on my modest porch and of coarse, cooking food for 'bottomless pit boy'. :) He is off with dad, at the moment, ordering our new dishwasher which we are in desperate need of. It has been far too long of the old one not quite working right.
The list of things is long. My thoughts wander easily. Priorities are just...different. I am getting ready for the school year. Planning what to do with B until the transplant, during the transplant and after the transplant. Planning what to do with the two littles. Torn between what I CAN do, what I LONGto do, what I WISH I could do and what I SHOULD do...in other words...what the Lord LEADS me to do.
The garden needs weeding. I may get out there. The ratio of weeds to veggies is detestable. I will not give up on my 2 spinach plants, 3 pole beans, one watermelon seeding, many reseeded tomato plants and the turnips and arugula I threw in to get rid of the seeds and feed the hamsters a treat!!
Oh, I think I have one broccoli that survived. woot woot.
B's head is large but he is almost done and is in good spirits. I am so proud of him. He is some amazing kid. He told my mom the other day that he may wish he had lost a limb than have cancer. Ugh.
Be healed Braveheart, in Jesus name!!

raising dragons

2011-06-23T09:31:00.003-05:00

Braveheart is getting quite swollen in his face and bloated from the meds. He only has less than a week to take that, we are glad to report. Tuesday I took the 2 littles and their friends to the discount pool night and let them swim. B got his much awaited date night with dad. They went pee wee golfing. B reported later that they had a really good time. Last night we watched HOW TO TRAIN YOU DRAGON together. Me and the man have never seen it yet. It was so good!
This morning B was up reading a great book. RAISING DRAGONS BY BRYAN DAVIS. He is a Christian Fiction writer. Dylan enjoyed that series when he was young and now Damsel picked it up at the library and can't put it down easily. So, I was pleasantly surprised that B was farther along than she. We highly recommend that series. This series is listed as 9-12 years. He has other series that are YA.

We go for more chemo tomorrow. Prayers are welcome. The days are surreal here, waiting and enjoying each other. Planning for what is coming. God has given great peace. B is ready this time around. I still wish that this wasn't what must be done. Either way I am believing that God will do a great healing testimony through this. I am at peace. We just wait, believe and stand in faith and see God work. It is odd how calm and normal things are around here. We have kept all the summer activities to a minimum as well. It's almost like nothing is happening in a weird kind of way.

Well, hug your kidlets and I will be back to muse about my days getting ready for transplant...

braveheart and father's day

2011-06-19T22:40:00.002-05:00

I can't believe how many things Braveheart is planning. He had a full weekend between naps of museums, walks by the river, airshow and shopping to name the major events this weekend. He really doesn't have an immune system though, so he has a mask to take along and we have some tricks for knowing how far he can go and what he can do. He was denied a few things. It was a good Father's Day!

scout bonfire complete

2011-06-18T08:42:00.002-05:00

I have never seen Braveheart do so many things while on more than a maintenance chemo before. I am astounded! He loves making lots of plans to go places and food is always on the agenda with his food cravings from the medicine. Last night the scouts were over for a bonfire. We had beautiful weather all week up until this day. Then the rain was supposed to come and the Lord held it off the whole night. B had to wear a mask due to his counts being so low. If he were to get a fungus from the wood it could be deadly for him. We had such a great night. Blessings.

in the night

2011-06-17T08:22:00.003-05:00

I love those moments when a child awakes in the night and sits by your side. I love to rub his back. Then he falls sideways down next to you and fits perfectly nested there. He tells of signs of feeling better and his oh so soft thinning hair is the best thing I have ever felt beneath my light fingers as the moon is shining full into the room and the breeze from the fan makes for a perfect night. Pleasant sleeping sounds from my honey on my left complete the moment. Thank you Lord. Thank you in the night.

waiting for church

2011-06-12T10:32:00.004-05:00

Here I sit, ready to go to church and now B is tired and needs a snooze. He's been doing very well again since starting chemo in the hospital last week. We have had to concede to doing this bone marrow transplant, but we feel he is more ready now. We are determined to beat the odds and prognosis. We are just being a family as we count down the time between now and the transplant. It's so weird. I can't describe the feeling of what we are preparing for. Believing that things will go well but knowing what 'could' happen. Who would want this for their child? I guess God didn't 'want' this for His child, but he gladly did it for our sakes. By His stripes ye are healed!!! There are so many things going through my mind. In the end, I can't do this but He can. Pray with us...CANCER..YOU ARE DEAD IN B'S BODY..DEAD..YOU CANNOT HAVE MY SON....MELT AWAY...FOREVER...NO POISON SHALL TOUCH HIM (thanks to your prayers too) Pray for the donor to be ready and able quickly.

we will not be moved....

2011-06-05T23:17:00.003-05:00

here we are at the hosptial....so much to say and yet so little to tell.... we had been on a crazy journey fighting to save our child's life from this aweful disease known as cancer...i hate that word...i hate what it does to us and our family and yet i do really see blessings..i see how god works and how he leads and plans and we have gone on what we thought was a journey he orchestrated and yet here we are back to bone marrow transplant again...i am amazed how we came to be in the hospital and all that god has done so far and how he is getting all the glory people...all of it and HE IS A GOD OF IMPOSSIBILITIES!!!

this is what we have to do now...i am not afraid any more and i know we have done what we were told and all we have done will lead to what b will have needed..

the people here are so good and kind and helpful and ready to regear for this dreaded transplant...the one with the bad odds....

but i will not back down...we will not be moved.....like the song says...

My brokenness helped me to see
It’s grace I’m standing on

Chorus
I will stumble I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

And the chaos in my life
Has been a badge I’ve worn
Though I have been torn
I will not be moved

Happy Birthday Braveheart and waiting...

2011-05-11T10:04:00.007-05:00

I still haven't figured out what to do with this picture problem and none of you are telling me so...I am going to try to print some pics from Picasa and delete them and see if that works.
We are just waiting and standing in faith with God for healing of our boy. He has led us to some treatments that are not the usual coarse, so we can avoid this very dangerous BMT. (bone marrow transplant) Braveheart is doing great. We are believing God for his healing and take every day one moment at at a time. Never have things been so intense around here as we take our stand. We are so thankful for your prayers.
Praise Jesus!!
I actually forgot to post that it was B's birthday #14 back on the 9th and how did this photo load?? So blessed to have another birthday!

healer

2011-05-02T11:29:00.003-05:00

welcome home!!

2011-04-23T06:59:00.004-05:00

We're back! It has been a very intense last few weeks, so much so that I cannot even talk or write about it. Have you ever had something happen in your life that you are in that state of high need of prayer and fellowship with the Lord?
We are home safe and snug as a bug. Braveheart is feeling well now. God is healing and answering prayers and teaching things over and over. You know...He is so much more awesome and powerful than I had ever been raised over these years to believe? He still moves, blesses, heals and lives for real!
Anyway, if I get time, I would like to figure out how to get photos back on here when I run out of space. I know there is a way. If you know, please help clue me in.
Blessings to you all and please keep praying from Mark 11:22, 23 and believe healing for our boy and so many other precious little children who are battling this disease.

here we go!

2011-03-27T22:58:00.002-05:00

We are heading to Arizona for some very specialized treatment. Pray for us if you will. God is healing even though we had a minor set back, He can heal and is healing. Faith.

And let me know if you can figure out how to get more pics on here when you run out of space on your picaso....

BB tourney

2011-03-15T22:17:00.005-05:00

Our youngest boy had a basketball tournament last weekend. I was so pleased to go. It felt too normal though. It was a nice feeling. A feeling as though nothing else big is going on in my life. Nothing life threatening..nothing that requires such intense focus...
Let me just say that BB is not his game. He is a karate kid so to speak. His effort, however, was highly commendable. He didn't get much game time, but he held his head high, he swerved all around his opponent, back and forth, never yielding. I was pleased. I told him so.
Here's a couple shots I admired from a game. I love taking photos. I have no fancy shmancy photo shop...
Well I can't get more photos to list because it's full?? I will get back to you on this.

follow up scan

2011-03-14T11:20:00.002-05:00

We are heading in for a scan this Thursday. Will you please take the time to pray and believe that his scan will be clear? We truly do believe it will be clear. You can imagine that going in to get it is not without some small bit of anxiety? Yet, there is also a peace that God has washed over us. We are excited to get through this next phase of his healing. We Praise you God that You are a God of impossibilities!!!

2010 reads

2011-03-13T14:39:00.002-05:00

crown of thorns
as sure as the dawn
an echo in the darkness
a voice in the wind
i love you to the moon and back (this was written by a father whom list his son to cancer)
the postcard
lords of chaos
the fires of heaven

This is not an exclusive list as I got a bit side tracked in December as you all know. I read many more nonfiction books after that into 2011. I guess I will go start my 2011 postings and updates some of my sidebars some more.

healthy ice cream anyone???

2011-03-09T12:57:00.004-06:00

Braveheart has been doing so well. We have him on a pretty strict, immune system healing diet right now. That chemo can really destroy ones immune system. Although I did this after his end of treatment, I obviously was not aggressive enough and his illness returned. That 'cancer' (I hate saying that word, it feels like I am giving it power and I don't want to), is really annoying and prowls about like a lion waiting to devour...yes, did you recognize that from the bible? That is what cancer is to me. I am rambling aren't I?
Well, he has been begging for ice cream. Can you imagine giving up all processed white sugar foods? Due to my boy being so diligent, I told him I would make him some 'healthy ice cream" when we got his next test back and it showed more improvement. IT DID!! So I made this ice cream following a recipe that came with my little, cheap, Aldi purchased ice cream maker that you just plug in. I used organic cream, almond milk, organic milk, dash of organic vanilla and honey! Yes, honey, local from a high school fellow homeschooler. Local raw honey is the best kind to get. It actually has anti tumor properties...can you believe it? Now we still wouldn't want to load up on it, but it is a good substitute for all sugar things I USED to make for him. Oh have I been making things for him. I can't wait to share more with you.
Here is the only picture I got unfortunately. I usually take it out of the maker and freeze it a little longer in the freezer. I have a real awesome kitchen dream for someday if I ever get on one of those free kitchen shows!!

crossing over to Boy Scouts

2011-02-27T08:31:00.006-06:00

Secret Agent is officially a Boy Scout now! I only wish his brother Braveheart could have been in line with him, but he was fighting a bronchial virus that night and wasn't feeling well. We are very excited for them to experience all their adventures in scouting together.
Congrads son. Good job!

end of the year family photos 2010

2011-02-25T10:57:00.011-06:00

christmas 2010 photos are late

2011-02-23T10:09:00.004-06:00

Those of you that know us, know that my hubby has the gift of 'gifts'. He loves to surprise the kids with interesting types of wrapping etc.. here Dylan's very small gift is wrapped in this very large box that holds a very heavy stool!

This jewelery was made by woman in another country that helps support them and get them out of the negative lifestyle many live to survive.

Bravehearts hair is beginning to fall out. The after affects are and will hit him pretty hard over the next week or two.

So I am going to get these on here late for memory sake. I think, with all that was happening, we still had a blessed, quiet little Christmas here at home with just the 7 of us. (my mom makes 7)

superfoods!!!!!

2011-02-12T14:33:00.001-06:00

Top Superfoods Offering Super Health Protection

Beans
Blueberries
Broccoli
Oats
Oranges
Pumpkin
Salmon
Soy
Spinach
Tea (green or black)
Tomatoes
Turkey
Walnuts
Yogurt

so much to post...

2011-02-05T09:28:00.007-06:00

I can't believe I am even here updating this, but I had a moment and wanted some memories here, although some I would like to forget..but we're in a good place right now. Braveheart is feeling very well at this time. His little tiny head hairs are starting to grow back. He is on a very strict, immune building, healing diet. He gets annoyed about it at times but we try to work on new, interesting ways to make is diet palatable. He was just too used to eating junk food even with all my healthy ways of cooking. Nothing like a little death threat to really make you stand up and take notice. I can't wait to tell you more about what we are doing here. God is leading and directing and we appreciate all your prayers. I will keep you all informed as we go. After MUCH prayer, we are hoping to delay a BMT to the VERY last ditch effort. We are staying close to home, hanging out, adjusting to new eating habits and taking each day one at a time. There is more than just diet involved. There are very specific 'bad cell' treatments involved as well. We are thrilled to have you on our 'pray for healing' team! SO, here is some updated pics from Dec. month. Aren't our kids so precious???

This was the Friday that we learned the bad news at the university hospital. The little ones had their promotion so daddy took them. They did very well and each earned their next belt. She can really kick high can't she? Love that look on her face when she does that.

Here T is enjoying the early part of his gift. Damsel got a hamster for her 9th birthday and found the sweetest one around and her cage friend was so tender and sweet and so these two were ordained by God to be our hamster babes.

Weird weekend as we spent it together preparing for hospital on Monday and more chemo..I can't believe it still...

We all get in the spirit to send college boy a note. We love and miss him.

I will update our Christmas pics.

still here, although life is weird...

2011-01-18T13:27:00.002-06:00

I have got to get my family pics on here soon! We didn't have the best results around the Christmas tree this year. The photos were just blurry or too bright or washed out..ugh....I don't even have time to fix all the red eye..
Oh man is God working over here and Satan is attacking like crazy..please cover us in prayer...he wants our son but we know God is fighting for us, he makes us like pillars of iron and he is our overcomer...

joyful hearts and crocheting

2011-01-03T16:29:00.003-06:00

I just wanted to let you all know what we've been up to. I have so many things to update here. In between all the researching, praying, healing etc...I have been mindlessly crocheting as it is quite relaxing and soothing. I made this for my mom with some stash someone gave me. God is guiding and leading and answering prayer beyond my ability to fathom. Keep praying for that and thanking God for healing. There are many emotions with this whole thing, ups and downs, fears and jubilations. We are so thankful. Mostly He gives us joy and glimmers of hope!! God is good.
Mark 11:23, 24

happy new year 2011

2011-01-01T10:14:00.001-06:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

merry christmas 2010

2010-12-24T18:06:00.002-06:00

Merry Christmas..I have so much I want to write but I won't get it all down. I thought 2008 was going to be the worst Christmas of my life with my bald little precious boy home after a near death, devastating trip to the hospital for a horrible chemo drug! Man I know these kids get hit hard, but because they are young they manage to survive at an amazing rate, although not really enough. One moment I was re-evaluating our next homeschool year and getting things in order, the next I am in a fight for my boys life..AGAIN! Now all the thoughts about doing so many mundane things in life seem so pointless. My focus so changed. Sometimes I see pictures of families and for the first time in my life it makes me wish I could just be there in that world where all the kids are healthy.
So much is happening. Since the relapse, I am trusting God more everyday, pleading and thanking Him for healing and guidance. We live every moment with that little deep flutter of anxiety deep inside our gut. Our child's life is in our hands!! Well, we know he is in the Father's hands, but we are the stewards here on earth. We are feeling little tugs of direction. Sometimes that direction is hard to follow, like if you are being asked to walk through a cave full of vicious lions, unsure of what even awaits you/your child on the other side.
Emotions come and go like a roller coaster. Before we were excited to be done and now we are looking forward to more/ worse of the same with no same hope as before. We haven't given up mind you!! Often God fills us with hope between moments of despair.

²²And Jesus answered saying to them, "Have faith in God.

²³"Truly I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and cast into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says is going to happen, it will be granted him.

²⁴"Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you.

I am hopeful even now and ask that you pray with me from Mark 11:23, 24

Merry Christmas from our family and may you just love up on those kids a little more today and always, what a gift our children are from God.

it's saturday in the hospital...

2010-12-11T20:06:00.003-06:00

day 4 chemo is complete. i can feel all the prayers as people lift us up in His name!!! today was a very good day. i was able to feel the arms of my strong husband around me. i feel stronger, like i can do this with His help...i may be crying tomorrow, but for today i feel peace that flows like a river....

2010-12-08T23:16:00.002-06:00

we had a good day..a day that much encouragement was felt. it was almost like nothing bad was going to happen...it was hard to watch the lumbar puncture when they couldn't get in right away like they always usually can..i have an 'extra empathy' gene as it is...now it is late at night and the chemo is going. he finally falls asleep. he's not feeling well. i see the toxic drugs, three of them dripping into his veins. i know they are saving his life and yet causing so much damage..my heart aches for what's ahead..i don't want his head to feel hot and full as the liquid coarses through his blood attacking indiscriminately, slicing, steaming ahead..i will go to sleep now so i can wake him up every two hours so his kidneys stay clear...i will pray that there will be no vomiting and i will thank the Lord for His healing hand..

2010-12-08T08:19:00.002-06:00

couldn't sleep last night...i was so tired that i did get good rest considering where i am but then at 4 am, there i was just thinking..thinking...i am not proud of some of the things i think about. we had a good day yesterday, the kind of day where you could almost forget the agony that's ahead. I am still trying to wrap my brain around it all.

sad news today...

2010-12-03T19:41:00.003-06:00

We learned today that the 'beast' has returned. My heart is moaning, hurting, numb. I thought, no, truly believed that he was healed!! Inside I am a little angry too, but there is no real time to feel any of it fully. Just can't. Just tired. But B just amazes me. He says the most mature things. He handled the news with all grace ... So very brave. His only hope now is a transplant. I cannot think..I am in shock...

#2 post treatment CT

2010-12-02T17:17:00.003-06:00

Today really went quick. The CT was faster than ever with no drinking of ickies...wow...then we get this call from the doc waiting for us when we get home. Calm, friendly voice telling us to call, with a cell phone number, none the less...I think something must be up. Well, the CT is showing some lymph swelling and it could be from the infection but we have to be sure. Numb. There is some hope in that. Wait a minute, I truly believe Braveheart is healed!! I cannot go through this again!! Hey, this isn't about you and your pain mama T. He can't go through this again! I am there for you both daughter. Didn't I just start feeling somewhat normal again? I start to think of what this means and I just go blank. Peaceful resting in Jesus! Please pray Psalm 91 over our family!
In Jesus' name.

Psalm 91

¹ Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
² I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”

³ Surely he will save you
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
⁴ He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
⁵ You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
⁶ nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
⁸ You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

⁹ If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,”
and you make the Most High your dwelling,
¹⁰ no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
¹¹ For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
¹² they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
¹³ You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

¹⁴ “Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
¹⁵ He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
¹⁶ With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”

wordless wednesday!!

2010-12-01T12:21:00.001-06:00

multiplication blank grid

2010-11-30T14:00:00.003-06:00

I wanted to share a link with you for a multiplication blank grid. I decided to have my kids do some math fact drills on a blank grid. This one was easy to print out. As you can see there are many to chose from. With this we can time ourselves in filling it out. Damsel really enjoys this! Have fun.

let the Christmas season begin!!

2010-11-28T16:50:00.003-06:00

Another family tradition complete. The Christmas CD's are out and playing. What memories...what joy, preparing and praising Him, the One who is the reason for this awesome season.
College boy was here this weekend. Dad is taking him home as I write. It was a good Thanksgiving weekend. One, also, that makes me want to have a more specific 'plan' for college boy to follow when he returns for his Christmas break! You know, the kind where he will know what is expected but he will not feel bossed around like the other kids. One that will, hopefully, limit mom's reminders, while he earns his food and drink, if you know what I mean!! I was even thinking of listing his responsibilities and signing an 'agreement'. Why?, do you wonder? Was the weekend a bust? A disaster? NO...not at all, but you mom's of college kids may already be versed in the role confusion of a child who is still not 100% out of the nest but is quite grown up on their own most of the year! This is new territory here. If you have any suggestions I would love to hear them. I am looking forward to a wonderful Christmas break with him, coming up real soon!
How are your Christmas decoratings coming?

Also, lots of musings and planning for homeschooling next quarter...mmmm.

happy thanksgiving 2010

2010-11-25T08:59:00.003-06:00

What a difference this Thanksgiving meal is compared to last year. Although still not 100% healed, I can say that my feet are so much better and are truly a big step continued in the right direction. This is where I cannot be lazy. I must be diligent with my stretches and foot support, etc. This year for the first time in so many years I cannot even remember, my mama won't be with us. She went out to visit with my sister and her family. My granny is going to stay with some other family and swing in later..hopefully in enough time to play some table games. My In Laws are coming and two of my hubby's siblings, so I am getting this done here without my mama and it is going very well. Prayers have been answered and steps taken to keep my feet well. Prayers answered here. Simple is the word of the day here.

Above is my homemade, fresh ground spelt flour coffee cake..yum!

I am making the turkey, it smells so good and providing the green bean casserole, mash potatoes and celery with cream cheese 'stuff'.
Family is bringing sweet potato casserole, fruit salad, roles and pies!

Have a great Thanksgiving you all! Blessings to you!

wordless wednesday

2010-11-24T18:35:00.000-06:00

frosting fun

2010-11-22T14:20:00.005-06:00

I really love making homemade frosting and what girl doesn't like to decorate with it??

#9

2010-11-18T13:14:00.001-06:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
to our only precious girl!

19 years!!!

2010-11-16T19:10:00.005-06:00

I know I have already shown this photo. You're right, I need to get a new one you know...but here we are from last year but still just as cute, married for 19 years..it really does get better if you keep hanging on for the whole ride...thank you Lord for blessing me with this long marriage to a faithful, hard working, steady man!

you deliver me....

2010-11-15T08:26:00.002-06:00

I have accidentally discovered that Selah put out this new album..I fell in love..I already love these guys and next thing I know I hear about them everywhere...take a listen to this song..you may become hooked like me!

wordless wednesday

2010-11-03T13:07:00.003-05:00

bloomsbury 2010

2010-10-29T08:23:00.008-05:00

It's been a couple years since we went to this event put on by Dance Marathon! It was the most perfect, lovely day....plus my mom came with us,
after which, we spent the evening having dinner with our dear friends that live nearby and they served us a huge, scrumptious dinner!!

auntie zoo day

2010-10-15T14:21:00.008-05:00

We had so much fun playing hooky and going to the zoo on the nicest day ever... both Aunts were present...what a joyful day!

This one just cracks me up.....

Damsel took most of the photos that she wasn't in and I think she did a fabulous job!

wordless wednesday

2010-10-13T23:14:00.002-05:00

praise HIM

2010-10-11T08:33:00.004-05:00

What a crazy, but nice week we had with Boy Scout camping for dad, hubby helping his dad with a major electrical project (we are thrilled and privileged to be helping him), his uncle passing away, his sister visiting from Louisiana and the long list of things to do around here. I actually got so much done, including planning and preparing songs for our awana club, teaching myself power point (their instructions are useless to me), but I did have to carve out some time on my weekend to catch up some. Do we ever really catch up? I am ok with that.

I have to be honest and say that 2 weeks ago I had a very stressful week. We started school Aug. 18th and things were flowing pretty smoothly and then I don't know if it was me being ill, having fatigue or if other stress factors made me fatigued..you know, the chicken or the egg type stuff...
Well, I will skip the boring stuff that goes through my mind, but it is hard to concentrate when you don't feel well and I knew that God called me to homeschool and that His yolk is light..so I asked "What then shall you have me do Lord?"
Well, I wanted to share part of what I read that really touched me...

from 31 DAYS OF PRAISE:

praise can free you from wasting your energies by speculating on just how each circumstance in your life could be part of God's plan. Through praising and thanking God, you put your stamp of approval on HIS unseen purposes. You do this not because you can figure out the specific whys or hows, but because you trust HIS love and wisdom. You endorse Paul's words in Romans 11:33-34

'frankly, I stand amazed at the unfathomable complexity of God's wisdom and God's knowledge. How could man ever understand His reasons for action, or explain His methods of working?'

Praise is a powerful weapon against Satan. Satan hates praise. Any praise thwarts Satan. Make it more powerful by coupling it with God's Word, truths that magnify Jesus as Victor.

I am praising this morning..praising YOU Lord!! Thank you for my life....so last Friday we took Friday off and went to the zoo with my sisters-in law. We had a great time.

We are refreshed in Him and praising Him for a great week of His work ahead...

more millet cooking

2010-10-03T14:19:00.006-05:00

Have you ever cooked with Millet? It is a grain. According to NOURISHING TRADITIONS millet does not need to be 'soaked' like most seeds as they contain very little phytates. Phytic Acid is in all grains and long story short contributes to our being unable to digest most grains. This is where soaking beans started way back when..do you even remember why you soak beans when you cook them? Any whoo, you don't have to soak millet but it needs a good 2 hour cooking. Especially if you can cook it in gelatinous broth. I am experimenting with soaking grains before I eat them and using more non-wheat grains, especially millet. Also, especially non gluten containing grains. I guess you can make millet flour and I am going to buy a huge bag someday and grind some and use for muffins etc...very excited!
I will keep you updated but if you are tired of the same old noodles and want to be done with white noodles... I threw this together very quickly and we all loved it. There is no 'amount' so just throw it in cooks...

I had leftover potatoes
bag of frozen broccoli
couple handfuls of millet
rest of a box of organic chicken broth
package of chicken saugage
salt, pepper, whatever else sounds good in it...
oh was it good...mmmm

Well, I guess I should get something else done around here today...
love me

wordless wednesday

2010-09-29T15:50:00.010-05:00

dance marathon picnic

2010-09-27T12:08:00.012-05:00

These young college students 'adopt' a family and they all come out to various events and just have fun! How many young girls would get all that cream all over their faces? It's a nice, uplifting time for families, siblings and the child who has or had cancer. We get to catch up with families we got to know while in treatment. Some kids are still in treatment. Some we have lost. I will pray. I will love.

wordless wednesday

2010-09-22T08:03:00.012-05:00

2010-09-15T16:32:00.003-05:00

going to see my boy today...

2010-09-10T10:30:00.003-05:00

saying good-bye was bitter sweet....

but...we get to see our boy!!
This was actually just some camera fun we were having!! The kids and all of us are so excited to see our college boy today! We have a weekend celebration planned and we can't wait!

laughfter.....

2010-09-07T08:16:00.004-05:00

doing ok...

2010-08-31T08:16:00.014-05:00

this one is off at college now, attending his second day of classes...he seems to be doing ok..
here he is probably thinking excitedly about this being the last burning job he has to do for awhile...:)

We are starting to miss you......

This boy is inheriting the major part of mowing of the yard...'mom, can I make a checkers pattern in the grass?' sure...why not.....

hopping...hopping...bouncing....

look at this fella...he is 3 months out from his last chemo...look what he can do now!

It is such a good, simple, wonderful pleasure to see him out here, staying out here, hangin' with the sibs...having energy...feeling better, thinking better...getting some real school work done this year so far...

We are so thankful. If you could please pray, we have CT scans this week. I am feeling fine really. Sometimes I feel a little nervous. I felt sure that God told me He had real plans to heal this boy...I have trusted and rested in this...but there are times when a test to look inside makes me cringe a little. Other times cancer is just a word to me. It means nothing at all, not scary like it seems to be out there...selfishly, I think to myself..'I don't know if I can do this again' I don't know if B can do this again..but then I just look up and ask God to keep carrying me..He is in control...He always does...He is so good...
ya see..He loves us...

leaving the nest......

2010-08-26T16:44:00.004-05:00

Father son good bye photo...

Study hard at college...:)

Dylan with granny.
Good bye my son...you're not far, we'll see you soon, we love you.
I have some photos with me but my mom forgot to mail them to me so I will post those later...

What a weekend!

2010-08-22T14:39:00.009-05:00

wedding reception.....

50th birthday party....

sweet baby feet at baby shower...

making pretty hair for damsel....

starting school last week.......

Recently, we had one of those crazy weekends with so many things going on that even when you cut some out you are still flowing along like crazy. Here was a glimpse of some events. Now we get ready to send our oldest out of the nest.....

2009/10 school year read aloud list

2010-08-20T12:30:00.000-05:00

understood betsy (A)
the long patrol
the doll house (mom daughter)
little town on the prairie
the small war of sergeant donkey
the spy who came in from the sea
mercedes and the chocolate pilot
pictures at an exhibition
bach's goldberg variations
gone away lake
four-story mistake
the saturdays
going through proverbs
on the edge of the dark sea of darkness
hittie and her first hundred years
egg and chickens
waiting for anya
Twig
my secret camera
a new coat for anna
the greatest skating race
stopping by woods on a snowy evening
a doll's house
Snowflake Bently
Racketty~Packetty House
The Hundred Dresses
The Children's Illustrated Bible
Boyhood and Beyond

starting school!

2010-08-18T09:25:00.009-05:00

plans have been made.... (some still tidying up)
afterall, it is me...

desks are being prepared...

books being organized...

college boys looking studious....:)

flowers being picked from the garden...it was a test for the kiddos, give me ten minutes and stay focused..they did!! I know I left the susans out in the sun to long..they look tired but oh it is pretty on the table...zinnias are my favorite flower...

me playing with my camera...the batteries died as I took the one to show you my tomato harvest..

first day good, I am encouraged, a little brain fried but see the routine taking shape...giving some incentives for careful attentive work....

wordless wednesday

2010-08-11T18:04:00.017-05:00

face painting fun

2010-08-09T16:12:00.005-05:00

Well, I had one of those big coupons and invested in a book for damsel to keep busy with the rest of this summer. You know those Klutz books? This one is face painting and she is able to be very artzy and creative with this book and the paints are so much nicer than the cheapies one usually buys at the discount store. Washes off very easy too. She put up signs selling her artwork. Above is her work on my hand! Fun!!

tasty lemon blueberry loaf

2010-08-06T08:06:00.003-05:00

I used a recipe from my friends blog, only I used spelt flour and raw sugar. It was very tasty.

summer so far again...

2010-08-02T10:23:00.007-05:00

I finally learned how to use my juicer which I didn't want to learn before but now feel VERY led to get on it so I can really help heal my body! If you get time try to read this book about juicing. You will learn some new surprising facts and it is a quick read. These veggies are from my garden or farmer's market.

Flowers from Aldi, only $4 and aren't they gorgeous??? I love to brighten the room. Not many to really pick from my own garden when I got these last week.

Found this a few weeks ago for our school room at Good Will, furniture was half off, retro, excellent condition and it SWIVELS!! If you know me, you know I have a strange weakness for chairs that swivel. I think I paid $3 something.

My pilot mom, being interviewed again for the Wanna Be a Pilot weekend! Wish I got photos of the cool jet plane and the Chinook helicopter!

Finally found a new place to pick our own blueberries. I only had two helpers available that day so couldn't get as many as we wanted. Our old place, just never can get in there now. This one you pick and just weigh and drop your check in the bucket...quite lovely. Braveheart adores these fresh picked ones over the frozen and they're local and cancer fighting!! A must have in this house. I froze them and they are almost gone already. I hope to get enough for the year next time.

homemade summer fun...

2010-07-27T13:12:00.008-05:00

Here, Damsel and I made these jewelry necklaces ourselves..mine has matching earrings. This was way more fun than I ever would have thought. A friend, Maryann, enjoys this hobby regularly and brought her kits over to my house for lunch and this fun..loved it! Do you like them?

USA Girl Camp! We love our local extension service around here. If you have one, run don't walk and get to some of there really cool classes at great prices!
Damsel and some friends went to this day camp revolving around American Girl Dolls, the girls brought their dolls and did crafts and cooked and learned all about a different doll's time period. It was so cute. Here is a sampling of what they made.

Here, girly decided to dress her corn husk doll! Very creative.

Here is a homemade bag and hat my bought from a friend of hers that makes these. Someday I will attempt a bag similar to this, but alas, my sewing machine is dead...:( Good bye my faithful old Singer...we shall miss you...

happy birthday mom!!

2010-07-23T09:05:00.007-05:00

This is my sweet mama. She is an amazing woman. She is a pilot too! (the best, I might add) I made her this lovely ripple blanket. Oh how we all loved it and Dylan is already telling me that he may have to have a second crochet blanket similar to this one before he goes off to college. (music to my ears really)
I made this out of my stash mostly with some good will finds in between, so no choosing colors but just crazily using the blues I had with some whites..ooo it was so fun! It turned out to be quite large as well.
Do you see that cake up there? My hubby bought that for my mom, we have been staying there this weekend as we lost our power then she lost some sewer power due to the large influx of people to her old, old house..please pray for that one..wow, anywho, that is the VERY large cake he bought! Yikes! AND..he ended up getting those never blow out candles..what a hoot. It was beautiful though and quite tasty.
We love you mom/grandma!

wordless wednesday

2010-07-21T14:15:00.004-05:00

end of treatment party!!

2010-07-19T14:44:00.008-05:00

Our friend Ralph set up this special antique firetruck ride from firefighters to take B and some friends to his END OF TREATMENT PARTY!!

Special friends visit...

Mom the pilot, loooooves riding in the truck.

Scouts racing...

This is our friend from Dance Marathon that came all the way here to hang with B.

This is my granny....

What a absolute blast we had at this party!! I wish we could do this every single year!!

happy birthday secret agent boy! #11

2010-07-13T09:25:00.006-05:00

Dear friend God brought into his life. I love how each kid gets that special friend to encourage one another!

Don't you just love this kid's handsome smile? What a kid. He turned 11 and if you don't mind I will just just muse for a moment. I was so proud of how selfless my kids were when Braveheart first became ill 2 years ago. They stopped everything and gave up things only caring for B and his welfare, understanding his prioritized needs. We strove to give as much attention to the other kids as we could and my mom was mostly living here to help out. (thanks mom) but suddenly last year we realized something happened to this precious little boy. We aren't sure what, but emotionally he was troubled. Part of this was his personality, true; he really has always been a 'strong willed' child that has given me a run for my money, but we began to see some real issues arise in him...

After much prayer and love and training and work and more prayer..we are so pleased with how he has come along. So much joy back in his heart and countenance! Praise God!

Now, can I just brag on my man for his 'gifting' love language?? We were getting all the kids some swimming supplies for birthdays this year, can you see his back pack? He loves that thing. (I got these for $2 each on clearance) Birthday boy keeps telling me about that and all his gifts. He is even loving that hoodie he requested himself..can you say hot? Well, my husband wrapped each gift up inside each larger gift so that each time he opened one he had a surprise inside! The whole family had a blast wondering if there was yet another gift inside! Boy, was that a hit. Damsel prayed that night, thanking the Lord for dad's great wrapping idea..it was so precious! The kids are requesting more of that one. You're the best dad..but I didn't get a pic this year..soon I will though.

movie monday OVERCOME

2010-07-12T07:43:00.003-05:00

Here is another movie from the same makers of the Belle movie we saw last week.
This one was quite a bit better quality with a few continued poor acting areas but I think these guys are just small time of coarse. This movie is good for the cleaness and good message although the biblical message is NOT clear indeed! But if you want something to watch that is at least a 'good' message then it might be doable. There is a teenage drinking scene but if I remember right there is no 'beer bottles' visualized. Very short scene too. No real hope in Christ is given but God's name is mentioned and church and the parents do get down on there knees to pray for God to intervene for their child. The prayer is not really said outloud though. So from there, I will leave it to you. It could make a VERY GOOD conversation peace without seeing the worst gore and his efforts were noble in doing the 'right thing'.